Eat, Pray, Love.

So, today I enter the world of "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. I first heard of this literary gem a couple of years ago, when a lovely friend of mine mentioned it during one of our playgroup get-togethers. I didn't think much of it then, but just recently, when the book was made in to a movie I recalled that little conversation and wondered what all the fuss was about? It sounded like yet another "movement", much like when Oprah rolled out the minds behind "The Secret" and it became a world wide phenomenen. So I delved a little deeper.

I watched another delightful episode of Oprah (have I really mentioned her twice already?) about the movie, and the stars brought in to play the real-life characters. Enter Julia Roberts and a number of gorgeous men as her side dishes. As per usual, Julia gets me interested and more curious, so I post on Facebook my curiosity and am met with offers to lend me copies of the book - so I take up the offer!

Which leads me straight back to why I ventured back to my blog tonight! This evening marks a historical event - I picked up a book and starting reading it! Not a fairytale, school reader or magazine - an actual grown up book. And I am pleased to say I made it 66 pages in before having to put it down due to my eyes hurting as tiredness took over.

The first 18 pages had me enthralled. I had to take a break and message my friend who had left the book on my door step for me this morning.
"Oh.....my.....goodness......I'm up to page 18, and I literally feel like she has been a fly on the wall in what is (well, was) my life, and wrote about it! I think i'm in for a rollercoaster ride! x"
It has stirred up some emotions I thought I had buried, so I am intrigued to see where the next 300 pages lead me...

I am also intrigued as to how I am going to read another 300 pages before a few of us are scheduled to go and see the movie once it has opened here in Melbourne? I shall keep you posted!

Oprah's coming to Australia!

I had to rewind The Today Show this morning. Did I really hear that correctly? Oprah is coming to Australia? One toilet stop, breakfast for the kids and a cup of tea and I could listen to it properly. Oh.....my......God!!! Hooray for small miracles - my good friend is heading Down Under!

Now, how to go about getting tickets to her one and only show, being recorded at the Sydney Opera House, some time later this year? Me thinks it will be a one in a million chance, but I shall give it a crack! Apparently I am going to have to watch her show daily through October to get details on how to gain these "rare as hens's teeth" tickets....what a shame, I so don't think I can do that! Heheheh......

I shall keep you updated on the cause, and will be googling like mad until I get the answers required.

Forgive me Father.....it has been 20 days since my last confession.....

Oh dear! I have once again let life in general get in the one of a good post. I am sincerely sorry!

So, what's been happening since my last post? Well, as per usual, my time on this earth never fails in its excitement value. It seems I move on from one "drama" - for want of a better description - to yet another. I won't go in to full detail, but let's just say it has something to do with a certain someone I have referred to in past posts as "the ex-husband"....

What I will say, is that despite this new episode of non-stop action, I have an amazing sense of calm. Which isn't what I had expected. What I find even more amazing, is that I have discovered my wonderful husband is, from this point on, going to be named "my voice of reason". For without his un-wavering support and devotion to the cause - our family - I think I would most definately be a raving lunatic by now!

There have been many other beautiful things going on the last few weeks - my eldest son has found his voice also, but from within. I am so very proud of him. My youngest son is turning six tomorrow, and although at times I really would like to switch his voice off, he really is such a gorgeous and sensitive little soul. Chelsea has shocked us all by displaying her new-found "white line fever". For those of you who have no idea what this is, imagine a delightful little girly-girl, who is a singing, giggling and caring creature. Now imagine that little girl on a basketball court, glaring and growling at the opposition, who dared to knock her over! That, my friends, is white line fever! It is certainly a sight to be seen....

And our youngest in the tribe? Well she has also shocked me, to some extent. In a matter of weeks, I will be working an extra day per week, and Chloe shall be venturing in to the unknown - day care. It is something I thought she would really struggle with. And yes, admittedly, I would struggle even more with! But to my surprise, and much delight, she has taken to it like a duck to water. The day we were looking at the different centres, she was very excited and enjoyed playing. Then last week when we went for a play, or orientation as they call it, I pulled in to the drive way and she said "bye mum!"......ummmmmm, not quite what I had expected!

So yes, it has been a fun filled few weeks, but on reflection, I must say I am still a very grateful Mummy. Life throws us so many twists and turns, but I am finding as I am getting older, I am far more accepting of the ride.

To be Grateful - Day THIRTY....

Who would of thought? Thirty days. I've made it. When I started this "experiment", I thought it would actually be quite easy. Surely, finding three things each and every day to be TRULY grateful for would be simple? Surely I could fill pages each day with what I am grateful for? Hmmm.....to be honest - it was a little harder than I had anticipated. Although I really am grateful for everything I have in life, actually taking note on a daily basis was quite intimidating. Sound strange? Well, for me, I didn't want to be grateful for the same things each and every day (not on here anyway!), I wanted to delve a little deeper, sort of analyse my days with a magnifying glass! I hope that I have done so, and have even slightly enlightened your day at some stage....

For my final entry of gratitude:

1. I am grateful I live in a democratic country. I know I have probably bored you at times with my Oprah-isms, but today's episode on North Korea made me appreciate the freedom and rights I have living in Australia. It is abhorent to me that in this day and age, there are millions of people literally being held hostage in their own country. Unable to access any form of communication to the outside world, and denied the basic human rights to choice and freedom. Yet another eye opener...

2. I am grateful for a day spent on the lounge. Chloe had a huge daytime sleep, and given that I wasn't feeling so flash, I took the opportunity to do a whole lot of nothing and thoroughly enjoyed it.

3. I am grateful for the feedback that some of my "invisible followers" have given me on my little blog. Officially, I only have three followers, but some of my anonymous friends have contacted me to let me know they enjoy reading my posts and have encouraged me to continue sharing my thoughts. I have said it before, but this blog is like an open journal for me. A place I can come and give my opinion, share my feelings and really just vent. So I will continue, and although I will not be entering my daily gratitude, I will definately make a point of being grateful each and every day.

This afternoon I finished the little book of verses I quoted last night. So I would like to share another beautiful little gem: "Record your experiences, feelings, frustrations, and desires in a special book. Your journal will become your memory, your truth, and your friend." This is my hope....

To be Grateful - Day twenty-nine!

Hooray! I have nearly made it through a month of being grateful! Well, I am grateful every day, I have just never made an effort to be so conscious of it and put it in to words. I realise I have missed a few days here and there, but I can promise you I have been thinking about my gratitude entries each and every day. For instance, today, I was watching yet another episode of "Dr Phil" and thought to myself - "That makes me feel really grateful". So now I shall share why....

1. The episode was about overseas adoption, and the troubles some parents are going through with the trauma these children have been through, and how it is showing in their lives. Watching what these parents, and children, were going through made me feel incredibly grateful for my very happy and healthy children. Sure, we go through some rough patches, but in comparison, my life is perfect.

2. I am grateful that the librarian at my children's school mistook me for another parent this morning! In doing so, I was able to put my hand up to help with the upcoming book fair. I really love helping out at the school, but find it difficult due to having a two year old busy little girl! So it was a lovely little chance conversation, and now I get to contribute to a great fundraiser for the kids.

3. I am grateful I found a little book my Mum gave to me as a gift many years ago. Its title is "Caregiver Therapy", written by Julie Kuebelbeck and Victoria O'Connor. Mum gave it to me because of my occupation, and I don't think I actually ever read it until it dropped on my bedroom floor this evening! Lots of lovely little verses centred around being a caregiver, and how to make life for yourself and those you care for just that little bit more meaningful. I shall share one I ready tonight and found so very true:

"Sometimes helping others means allowing them to give. A homemade card, a smile, a heartfelt "thank you" are gifts to be treasured. Graciously accept what others have to offer." We should not measure a person's worthiness by what we are receiving from them.

To be Grateful - Day Twenty-seven...

I have had a most productive day today, given that I had the day off work! Off to basketball for Chelsea this morning, where I discovered she had found her inner biatch......something I'm not sure whether to be proud of or not? You see, since she began playing her first season a matter of months ago, I have been telling one of the other Mums that perhaps Chelsea needed to get in there a bit more, and be a little more aggressive. Well.......I think Chelsea overheard me. She took flight in what I shall now call "kamikaze mode", and made a very amusing sound whilst doing a couple of Jackie Chan moves. To say it amused the crowd at the stadium would be an understatement. It's a very good thing she is a natural performer, because there was no embarassment, and quite frankly, she lapped up the attention! Unfortunately, it did not end with her winning the ball, or the game!

1. I am grateful that we had some wind here in Melbourne today. Added to that, a couple of hours of sunshine, and I was able to get some towels half dried on the clothes line, which then means I only had to use the clothes dryer half the time!

2. I am grateful that Cadyn pointed out to me the buds sprouting on our plum tree in the back yard. This is a wonderful sign that Spring is (hopefully) just around the corner. In Melbourne it is very easy to forget that we have four seasons when Winter seems to go on forever. But days like today put a smile on your face and a little bounce in your step.

3. I am grateful I got to spend a couple of hours on the couch watching a movie with Andrew tonight. This is a rarity these days, so it didn't matter what we were watching. But I must say, "Notorious BIG" was not a bad flick. Albeit all the rappin' and cursin'! It's always strange watching films based on real life events. I found myself saying things like "oh, that must be Lil' Kim?", and "Is that Puff Daddy/Diddy/Sean Coombes?" Ahhhh, memories.....

And with that, it is off to bed for this tired little mumma......

To be Grateful - day Twenty-six...

Good evening.....well, good for some. One word - migraine. Definition - a throbbing headache usually affecting only one side of the head and commonly accompanied by nausea and visual disturbances. Throbbing - check. Visual disturbances - check. It still amazes me that after suffering migraine headaches for about seven years, I still don't make the connection? I was in a shop this afternoon when I started to get strange lights and swirling on one of my eyes. Didn't think much of it until - BANG - an hour later at work, the throbbing began! So I stuck it out a few more hours before finally surrendering and heading home early. So I am certainly not grateful for migraines....

1. What I am grateful for are the over the counter drugs that seem to take the edge off the pain I feel in my head. Once again, modern medicine has come to the rescue. Thank you dear scientists....

2. I am grateful I was able to take my mother-in-law out for lunch today. It was her birthday, and given that she does so very much for us and our children, being able to pay for a nice lunch and have a chat was quite lovely indeed. I also reiterated to her how much we all apreciate her help!

3. I am grateful my eldest son has been accepted in to the secondary school of our choice. Here in Melbourne, you are given a form to fill out with your top two preferences for schools. You have automatic entry in to your closest school. If your preferences are out of your zoned area, you have to then submit a special letter to the school outlining why you wish your child to attend. Our forms were lodged in May, and we found out last week that he was successful! This is going to make life so much easier as this school is smack, bang in the middle of both ours and his father's home. And most importantly, it was the school Lachlan most liked (and so did I) and was excited about. So hopefully this is the beginning of a great secondary school experience!

That's it for tonight, my head is literally pounding and I need to get away from the computer screen......good night!

To be Grateful - Day twenty-four

Hmmmm.....where to begin this evening? Life, as we know it, has gone straight back to normal in precisely 24 hours. Whilst I was away, I can honestly say I felt a wonderful sense of calm and relaxation. Now that I am back home, the calmness is making an exit and relaxation has once again made itself scarce! But I shant complain, I shall merely vent my feelings to any or all of you reading on....

1. I am grateful that Chloe is such a good little girl, and sits in a trolley or a pram for any extended length of time so I can walk around the shopping centre leisurely. I went in search of something I thought was quite simple - large cushions for our lounge. But alas, not one store in the centre stocked them! So instead, Chloe and I headed for Gloria Jean's and enjoyed a hot chockie and babycino...

2. I am grateful, every single day, that I have my husband. My beautiful neighbour lost hers to cancer earlier this year, and she is struggling. The past couple of days I have noticed her car in the driveway, which means she is not at work, and leads me to believe she's not doing so well. I have thought about going over there and asking if she wants to share a cuppa, but I fear I will be intruding. I honestly don't know what to do.

3. I'm grateful I have Foxtel IQ. Another strange thing to be grateful for, but it really is the one luxury I don't mind paying for each month. This afternoon whilst Chloe slept, I went through all my recorded shows and watched an episode of Oprah from last week. It was about four boys who were adopted and cruelly abused and neglected. It made me oh so grateful for the childhood I was afforded. There are so many sad, sad stories out there about people who have led such unfortunate lives, but luckily for these boys, their lives have been turned around by the amazing open hearts of a couple who have adopted them and given them the love and family they so deserved. Makes me proud to be a human being when I see such kindness.

And just quickly, I'm going to share with you a 'status update' going through Facebook at present. I loved it and shared, so will share with you - "They say true friends can go for long periods of time without speaking & never question your friendship. This type of friend picks up like they spoke to you yesterday, regardless of how long its been, how far away they live & they dont hold grudges. They understand that lifes busy, but that youll always love them".

To be Grateful - Day twenty-three

Oops, I did it again! Have had to skip a few days entries due to soaking up the sun and gathering with beautiful people in what we Aussies call "The Sunshine State" - Queensland. Lachlan and I had to most amazing five days, during which we managed to conquer three theme parks, catch up with lots of friends and just generally caught some down time. So tonight's entry is going to be a mix of the last few days all thrown together.

1. Tonight, I am grateful that I discovered Osteopathy. It took me a while to make an appointment a year ago, but am so glad I did. For those of you unfamiliar, Osteopaths are a mix between a chiropractor, physio and massage therapist. I cannot begin to describe the difference my lovely Osteo has made to my life, just by bringing my body back in to some degree of normalcy after my last pregnancy. And today, I was grateful for healing hands after somehow hurting my neck on an amusement park ride on the weekend. The price we pay for having fun hey?

2. I am grateful beyond words that I decided to take Lachlan with me for a five day holiday. It gave me time for lots of little chats and hugs and kisses, and it was beautiful to see him bond with my god-daughter. It will be a trip I will forever remember and treasure.

3. I am grateful that I woke this morning (after getting home from the airport at 1am) to find a tidy house and children that were happy. In turn, I am grateful that my husband is so bloody wonderful! I have many friends whose husbands simply would not cope with three children whilst they were off galavanting around the country side. But Andrew did a fabulous job, and did not complain once. Another reason why I love him so much!

4. I am adding an extra gratitude entry this evening to make up for all the ones I have missed! I would like to say that above all else, my trip interstate made me grateful to be the person I am. The past few months have led me to doubt who I am as a person, as a friend, and taking the time to get away from my every day life has made me realise and appreciate the woman I am. I have friends and family who would move mountains for me - because they know I would do the same. Being surrounded by women who have known me for pretty much all of my life was wonderful and helped me to forget my doubts and the reasons I had been doubting myself. So it's onwards and upwards - again!

Memories are the most beautiful things we have, and so many new memories were forged this past five days - amongst amazing memories remembered from my childhood. I am truly blessed to live the life I lead.

To be Grateful - day Eighteen....

I know, I know....I have missed a couple of days! But I promise I have been grateful! I have had so much on that it completely slipped my mind, but I am making up by logging on and showing my gratefulness from a different state. That's right - I landed on the Gold Coast this morning! So I shall begin tonight's entry...

1. Well of course, I am very grateful that I am back in the mother land.....aka, Queensland! I spent my first 15 years on the Gold Coast, born and bred "skeg". Driving through my old home town this afternoon has brought back so many wonderful childhood memories, and also made me extremely grateful for the great upbringing I had. I drove down the street I lived in for a few of the best years of my life, and got a little bit teary - not from sadness, but from the joy I have had from the lasting memories and friendships that were made whilst living there.

2. I am grateful that Lochie, my eldest son, is a grateful child. His excitement last night and this morning about the impending trip up here was lovely. And his un-expected hug and "I love you Mum" on the plane journey was just beautiful.

3. I am grateful that my husband is the kind of man who does not stress about me checking out of home for five days! Instead, he encourages me to go and have a break and makes me feel completely comfortable in the knowledge that the other three children will be more than adequately looked after and fed and watered for the time I am absent!

I will try my best over the following four days to log in and share my gratefulness, but I am warning you that I have a lot on and so many friends and family to catch up with, so the odds are not in my favour!

To be Grateful - Day Fifteen...

I'm keeping tonight's entry short and sweet, straight to the point. So here goes:

1. I'm grateful for the new friends that have come in to my life over the last few months. Their kindness and sincerity has been refreshing and is helping me through a really rough time.

2. I'm grateful that my kids love me no matter what. Unconditional love is probably the best thing God ever created. Children don't hold grudges, they don't judge and they forgive. My kids don't hold it against me if I yell and scream at them about the fact they keep leaving their drink bottle lid opened, therefore coming home with a wet school bag every day! And they still kiss me good night even if an hour beforehand I was getting grumpy because they were taking too long to get washed and out of the bath! I am just so very grateful for their patience and love for their Mummy...

3. I am grateful that no matter what my older sister has going on in her life, and believe me, she has her hands full, she still takes the time to listen to what is happening with me. And to make her even more wonderful, she gives me the most amusing and straight forward encouragement a person could ask for. Tells it how it is, and for that, I love her dearly.

I'm glad that I have chosen to take a few minutes each evening to reflect on the day that has passed. It makes me realise that no matter how stressed out and down I may feel, there are always at least three things that have occurred to make me feel grateful. And another thing - I'm grateful to whoever is out there for reading.

To be Grateful - Day Fourteen...

Another HUGE day here in our household! I spent a beautiful day celebrating my baby girl turning TWO! She is such a delightful little soul, and was slightly confused at all the attention being poured on her from the moment she woke up. The celebrations gained momentum before lunch time when about 20 children arrived ready to party! But as soon as it started, it was over and my little girl was pooped and in her bed. Such a lovely day! Having said that, here is my little snipper of gratitude for today:

1. I am grateful that all four of my children had a really great day, and got to spend it surrounded by our family and friends.

2. I am grateful that my ex-husband and I can get along, just enough, to the point where we can actually sometimes have a laugh. There have been so many times over the last ten years where I really didn't believe that could ever happen. But I said to my son only yesterday, that as much as his father and I disagree on a lot of things, the one common goal we have is to bring him up to be a responsible and good adult. And I figure for us to reach that goal, we have to show him some sort of example.

3. I am grateful that a friend who lives in Queensland just told me it is warmer than usual up there at present. Only four more sleeps until we arrive, and I would dearly, dearly love to thaw out just a little whilst up there!

And just quickly.....I have a quote from my sister this evening - "The universe was doing you the favour you wouldn't do for yourself". This is so very true in so many ways. I have had many times in my life where I have been dealt a situation I haven't understood, then in months to follow I work out it really did happen for a reason. And I think her quote explains a lot.

To be Grateful - Day thirteen...

I have had such a busy and productive day! All starting with an early wake up call, otherwise known as Chloe. Managed to get to a friend's garage sale before 9am, drop in and see my Mum, run in to the cake decorating shop, pick up some groceries and bake a birthday cake all prior to midday! Post lunch time, caramel slice was whipped up, along with some choc orange cupcakes. Quick trip down to the football field to watch Cadyn in his auskick (AFL little league) debut, run in to the el-cheapo shop for wrapping paper, cook dinner and decorate fore-mentioned birthday cake. So I am now sitting down and relaxing for an hour or so before I collapse in to bed. It's my baby girl's birthday party tomorrow - and mock birthday. You see, her birthday isn't actually until the 5th of August, but that is the day Lochie and I fly interstate, so we are bringing the festivities forward a few days - we figure she won't know!

Amongst all of today's activities, I am pleased to say I have still taken the time to be grateful:

1. I am grateful I got to also spend half an hour out in my garden. We have had so much cold and wet weather this Winter, that my gardens have been completely neglected. This morning I got my hands dirty and managed to weed my entire front garden. It felt very good indeed.

2. I am grateful that my kids are grateful. The garage sale I went to this morning was full of fabulous children's toys, games and books. I picked up a pile of books for Chelsea and two great trucks for Cadyn. They both absolutely adored them and spent their day reading and playing. It didn't matter to them that the surprises I had brought home were second hand, they really were just happy to receive them.

3. I am grateful that my children get such a kick out of the homemade birthday cakes I make them. They love joining in, helping to make the cakes and then swarming around when it's time to lick the bowl! And when the time comes to decorate the masterpiece, they are always full of praise for my artistic talents! Their birthday cakes may not be shop bought perfect, but they are made with so much joy and love, and makes them so incredibly happy!

It's off to bed for me now. I hope all of you out there thoroughly enjoy your Sunday! Mine will be spent with some of our nearest and dearest to celebrate my baby turning two.....although part of me doesn't want to celebrate - I know she can't be a baby forever!

To be Grateful - Day twelve...

So many things to be grateful for today! I really don't even know where to begin.....but I will:

1. I was super grateful to see my beautiful husband's face this evening as he arrived home from his interstate work trip. Hearing the squeels of "Daddy!" as he walked through the house alerted me to his presence, and I wanted to squeel too!

2. I am grateful for the 90 minutes of complete silence at my work place today. The only sound to be heard was the dull humming of the clothes dryer and the click of a keyboard. It gave me time to just breath and actually focus on what I was doing. This is a rarity these days...

3. I am grateful I made the decision to take the day off work tomorrow. This past week has been very stressful and at times I have felt like I was slowly sinking. So I have chosen to be pro-active and fill my shift and spend the whole weekend (gasp) at home with Andrew and the kids. Life is too short to be spent working every weekend!

And on that note, I have a quote for today - "Sometimes people don't know what they don't know". A very smart woman told me this little beauty a couple of weeks ago and it actually made me stop and think. This lovely lady said it was good to see I understood what she had said, because often when telling the same thing to people, she just got blank faces with big old question marks! But just think about it....it really is quite perceptive...

To be Grateful - Day eleven...

Keeping it short and sweet tonight, because quite frankly - I'm exhausted. So straight in to it:

1. I am grateful that my little (well, not so little) brother came over tonight so I could go to my first Zumba class. For those of you who don't know what Zumba is, it's an extremely up-beat work out, with a mix of dance and aerobic moves. Lots of shaking your bon-bon (Thanks Ricky Martin) and moving those hips! Best workout, and laugh I have had in ages.

2. I am grateful that I have the most wonderful, amazingly supportive and loving husband in the world. Even when he is not here, he has a way of encouraging me and wrapping his arms around me with his words. He never bats an eyelid when I lose my cool and am frustrated with the world - he just makes everything ok.

3. I am grateful to the person who invented asthma medication. Whilst Cadyn is having a cough right now in bed, it reminds me of all the sleepless nights we had earlier this year before he was diagnosed with asthma. I cannot believe how much of a difference these drugs have made and am thankful to modern medicine.

And that, my friends, is all I have to offer this evening. I hope wherever you are, that you have a truly wonderful day!

To be Grateful - Day ten...

I have been counting down the sleeps until my big boy and I get on a jet plane and head to the Gold Coast. Only nine sleeps to go! I haven't been this excited about a trip for quite some time. I think it may have something to do with seeing the majority of the girls I grew up with, catching up with my beautiful god-daughter, meeting my friend's gorgeous baby boy and of course, spending some well earnt time with Lochie. It will be a jam packed five days, but is just what I need at present. A good break. Having said all of that, here is today's entry in my gratitude journal:

1. I was grateful this morning at school drop off, when the Mum of one of Chelsea's friends shared a conversation she had recently had with her daughter. She said that after a recent sleep over her daughter had at our home, she told her Mum that she thought Chelsea was a really good friend. When asked why, she said that Chelsea never gets grumpy with her, and is always kind and nice. Her Mum said I should be proud. Well, I literally burst with pride and was once again very grateful to have such a beautiful daughter, who it seems is a very thoughtful and caring little girl.

2. I am ever so grateful to the 20-something girl working in the clothing store I walked in to this morning. I was on the verge of giving up finding something to wear to the above mentioned baby boy's christening, when she offered to help. To cut a long story short, she managed to help me very well! I left there feeling great, with two cute and groovy outfits and my confidence sky high. Well done young lady - you're a credit to your employer!

3. I am grateful that Andrew is home tonight. He has been at Uni the past five nights, and I am literally at breaking point. As soon as I have shown my gratitude here, I am going to cuddle up with him on the couch and watch some tv. I will make the most of it - he flies out first thing tomorrow morning for 48 hours!

And on that note - I hope you all have a great evening!

Belated Gratefulness - Day nine!

Please forgive me......I was lying awake in bed at 5.30 this morning (due to being woken by youngest child) and thought s#it!!! I wasn't grateful last night! Heheh....so here I am, albeit 14 hours late!

The things I was most grateful for yesterday were:

1. I was grateful for the fact that even though my eldest son lives with his Dad 3/4 of the time, I can still work out, over the phone, if something is bothering him. He called me last night to work out what we were doing this weekend, and half way in to the conversation I asked him if he was ok, he sounded a bit flat. Took a minute or so, but he eventually spilled that he was in fact a bit upset, and he would fill me in on the weekend. He had had a fight with his best mate. So although I was upset for him, I was also a teeny bit happy to know that I still have a great connection with him.

2. I was grateful for all the smiles, hugs and kisses I got from my children. They were all a little moochy yesterday, which was absolutely delightful!

3. I was really grateful for a great conversation, and a good listener. Sometimes, all it takes is someone to really hear you. Not just to listen, but to hear you. It was much appreciated.

I have been doing a lot of soul-searching and positive thinking of late, and feel so much better for it! It helps that I have a few like-minded thinkers on Facebook who share their favourite quotes. Here is one I read and loved this morning - "The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live the present moment wisely and earnestly."
(Buddha)

To be Grateful - Day eight

Stunning Winter's day here in Melbourne today! The warm sun on the way to school pick up was such a welcome change.....but I am not counting my proverbial chickens, because I'm sure the hail and fog will kick back in shortly!

I must say, this gratitude journal is working wonders. There are many times during the day where I am literally saying to myself "gee, I'm really grateful for that!" It's a very small but significant change to one's every day thinking. I highly recommend it!

The top three highlights of my gratitude today are:

1. My baby girl Chloe is already showing empathy. She was sharing a bath with Cadyn when he hit his head on the tap and started crying and being dramatic....she got a very concerned look on her little face and lent over and kissed him better. Such small acts of kindness in a toddler is just so beautiful, and it made me grateful that all of my children are learning such wonderful life tools.

2. I am grateful I was able to get Chloe in to the creche at gym this morning. I have not been for a couple of weeks, and getting back on the treadmill was energising. I know it's a proven fact that exercise is great for the body, but I truly think it is equally as great for the mind and soul.

3. I am grateful I have friends in my life who are honest and like-minded. Being able to just "tell it how it is" and not be judged is a wonderful gift. And having people who really just "get you" is lovely.

That's it for this evening! Andrew is on his way home from four long days of university, so I am looking forward to just sitting on the couch and doing nothing!

To be Grateful - Day seven

Yay for me! I have kept my word and made it through the first week of my gratitude journal! The past seven days have been really interesting, and has made me really think about what I do on a day to day basis, and how the things I do and the people I spend my time with really do shape the way I feel.

On to today's entry:

1. I am grateful I took the time a couple of months ago to go down to Brighton Beach on a cold and windy day, and have professional photos taken of our family. I spent a couple of hours this weekend finally getting around to making decisions on which shots I wanted to get copies of and framed to put on the big wall in my back room - which has been waiting patiently for years to be covered in frames! I said to my husband tonight, I pity our poor descendants who will have the task of going through the mountains of photos and picture frames when we are no longer here...but I am also glad that they will have an endless supply of memories in print.

2. I am grateful that some genius invented gumboots! Another crazy thing to be grateful for, but given the fact I had to take three children to football training this morning, and was greeted by a mass quagmire - otherwise known as a football field, I was more than happy that the kids had gumboots!

3. I am really grateful that Andrew got an early mark from his University classes today. It meant we were able to sit down and watch the Masterchef Grand Final tonight on television! It is one of the rare tv shows we actually sit together and watch, so it made for an extra special night in on the couch!

I am sharing another quote today - "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" A certain someone posed this question to me a few days ago, and I came to the conclusion that I really just want to be happy. Sometimes, no matter how right you think you are, it's not worth the fight. So just like the song says "Don't worry, be happy!" Nighty-night!

To be Grateful - Day six

Another busy weekend in this household.....today's schedule entailed leaving the house by 8.30am to pick up my eldest son from his Dad's, then straight to basketball for Chelsea to play. Back home for an hour, then off to a birthday party for one of Cadyn's friends. Home again for a couple of hours (enough time for Chloe to have a sleep) and then back in the car and take Lochie up to his mate's house for a sleepover! From there, the other kids and I headed to a shopping centre - stupidly - to rush around for an hour amongst ridiculous crowds! I am now enjoying a little peace after the kids have been tucked in to bed. So my gratitude starts now:

1. Today I am ever so grateful that Chelsea is developing a "thick skin". She had her first B grade game of basketball this morning and was really being niggled by an opposition player. The frustration was very clear on her face, but she just held her cool and continued to play. I thought this was pretty good for a seven year old!

2. I am grateful beyond gratefulness for technology! Tonight I was able to log in to a store's gift registry in London and place an order for one of my nearest and dearest friends who is getting married. Even though the website crashed and caused me a little grief, it led me to the phone and I called through the order instead. Following that I also had a quick chat with said friend on Skype. So a big heart-felt thank you to the I.T. "geeks" of the world who have made our lives so much easier!

3. I am grateful to have spent the day with my eldest son today. He lives with his Dad most of the time, but decided he would like to come over today, even though it was not the usual weekend he would spend with us. We didn't do anything overly special, but being able to spend some time with him, albeit arguing about a bloody Wii game for part of the day, was really lovely.

And that is it for this evening. I am now off to park myself on the couch, and find a good movie to settle in to. I hope you all have a lovely evening too!

To be Grateful - Day five...

I almost forgot to be grateful tonight! Phew....got in just before bed time.

Another big day in our household with my husband commencing his first of four days of "intensive learning" at university. What does that mean? Four days in a row of 12 hour classes......so he has just arrived home with brain over-load, whilst I am winding down from a day at work.

So tonight's gratefulness goes a little something like this:

1. I have just spent the past hour looking through old photos, searching for one in particular. This has made me realise, again, how grateful I am for all of my "old" friends. Women who have known me for such a long, long time. A handful of them 30 years. They have been there for me through the good, the bad and the sometimes ugly! And they still love me as I am.

2. I am grateful that pretty much every Friday for the past seven years, my mother-in-law has come to our house to babysit, enabling me to go to work. This has been an immense help to not only myself, but also my husband and I really do wonder what we would have done without her. My children have also benefitted from having a brilliant relationship with their Nanna, and I will always be thankful for that.

3. I am grateful I had a good laugh at work today. I've said before how much I love my job, and today was no different. I'm glad my co-workers all have a good sense of humour!

That's it for tonight....I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Friday funny....

Just thought I would share....

I just signed it, and thought I would check in on one of my favourite blogs which was listed on my home page. I clicked on it, and was surprised! Instead of seeing one of my BFF's websites, it was now a website for hookers and escorts!!!! WTF?

Anyway, it certainly gave me a little giggle.....it has now been removed from my favourites list, I truly hope none of my readers clicked on it to check it out!

To be Grateful - Day Four

I started off my day today by telling myself it would be two steps forward and hopefully none back.....and I must say - it worked! I spent some time with a lovely lady who helped me to understand a few things I had, up until today, been trying to work out myself. It confirmed to me that I was on the right track and to keep believing in the power of positive thinking!

Today I feel grateful for a whole lot of things, but these three will be part of my gratitude journal for this evening:

1. I feel grateful that I took the time to sit down with Chelsea and explain why I am so hard on her in terms of keeping her bedroom clean and tidy. I know that probably sounds ridiculous, but she ended up in tears because I am constantly on at her about the state of her bedroom. So I took a few minutes to sit with her and explain that part of my job as a parent, was to help her to grow up to be a responsible and good adult, and part of that was to teach her to keep her things clean and tidy. It made me feel so much better than the usual yelling and frustration, and the beautiful hug I got at the end of our chat was priceless.

2. I am grateful I didn't risk my sanity by going early to the Target (department store) toy sale this morning! Instead, I leisurely wandered through the store at midday, looking for two items in their catalogue. And you know what? They were already sold out! So to add to that, I am also grateful that I didn't feel upset at that fact, and continued wandering around the shopping centre (by myself!) for a little longer, enjoying the time alone.

3. I am grateful that I was able to sit down in the food court for lunch with my husband and daughter. I looked and felt like crap, but it didn't matter. It was just nice to have some "down-time", albeit over an average meal of indian!

I have picked up "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" again, and continued reading the little verses. So today's quote is the title of one of those little gems: "Ask yourself the question, "will this matter a year from now?"" I think this is a brilliant little sentence, and will hopefully remember to use it when it is needed!

To be Grateful - Day Three

Today was a day of ups and downs, pretty normal for me at present! I managed to land in the mud with my son after he fell over at school this morning, stepped up and asked someone a question, and didn't show how disappointed I was at the answer. Spent the morning with a gorgeous girlfriend and her oh so cute son, and watched he and Chloe play beautifully. Took part in the joy of grocery shopping and savoured an hour spent on the couch watching day time television whilst eating chocolate! Just another day in suburban Melbourne....

And now to let you know what I truly am grateful for today:

1. The reality that in 15 more sleeps I will be on the Gold Coast with my eldest son and many life-long friends I haven't seen for years. I am grateful mostly that I will be able to spend some quality one on one time with my big boy before he heads in to the unchartered territory that is secondary school.

2. My unbelievably wonderful and supportive boss. I am so very blessed to work with four of the most beautiful women put on this earth. My boss however never ceases to amaze me with her compassion and understanding, and today was another clear example of why I treasure her friendship.

3. Comfortable shoes......yep, that's what I'm grateful for! I was lucky enough to be able to buy a really decent and well made pair of runners yesterday, and today my feet are thanking me.

My quote for today? "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment" - Buddha. I'm doing my best, I really am...

To be Grateful - Day two

What to be grateful for today? Hmmm.....let me think.....

1. I am grateful that I have such a joyous little baby girl.....that a simple $4.00 Thomas the Tank Engine ride can get such an amazing amount of happiness is wonderful!

2. I was grateful this afternoon for bumping in to a beautiful friend and her family at the shops. Just to see her smile and have a quick chat and hug brightened up my day!

3. I am grateful for the rain that is currently falling outside. I know that sounds strange, but given that Melbourne has been on water restrictions for the past few years, any amount of rain during Winter means we have a bit more in reserves for the fast approaching Summer.

This being grateful gig isn't as easy as it sounds! However, it does make you really reflect on your day and how you have spent it...

I'm also going to pop in a quote - "When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears" by Anthony Robbins. Am I allowed to hope that my gratitude journal leads to abundance?

To be Grateful - Day one

The things I am grateful for today:

1. My gorgeous youngest son received the student of the week award for his class. I am grateful that after a slow and sometimes frustrating beginning to his first year of school, my little man is getting the grasp of reading, and is gaining confidence each and every day!

2. My tax return. I am grateful that when I logged in to my bank account today I found a lovely surprise from the tax department! This allowed me to pay off the remainder of my car loan, which in turn allows my family extra money each month to save.

3. My husband returning to tertiary studies this evening. Although it will be tough with him going back to university part-time, I am so very grateful that he has a wonderful job with a generous company, who have given him the opportunity to pursue further education.

So that's my very first entry in this here Gratitude Journal! What are you grateful for today?

Gratitude

Almost one week ago, I took Chelsea out for the evening for what I thought would be a little concert that would provide a bit of entertainment. Boy, was I mistaken. From the moment we stepped in to our local church, I could see this was more than just a "little concert". Where did we go? Who did we see? Well, it was a beautiful group of children, who form the "Watoto Children's Choir". I had heard of them before, but I really did not expect the kind of performance we got.

Who are they? These amazingly beautiful and gifted children are from Uganda. They have all been orphaned through very tragic circumstances - some have lost their parents to the HIV epidemic in Africa, others through the war that has raged in their country for many years. What they have in common is that they have all been taken in by the Watoto foundation, which is a christian based charity that has built a community like orphanage in different parts of the country, giving these children a home, education and most of all, family and happiness.

I cannot express how much their beautiful stories and song touched me. At times I had tears in my eyes, and for most of the evening, goose bumps. Chelsea thoroughly enjoyed herself, especially since singing and dancing are her two favourite things to do! I returned home afterwards feeling uplifted and joyous. But the best thing I got from my evening was an enormous sense of gratitude. It made me ever so grateful for all of the positive aspects of my life.

In the week that has passed, I have decided I will start my own "gratitude journal". Yet again, this is something that my dear friend Oprah (!) talked about quite a lot, many years ago. But I don't believe I have ever thought too much about doing it until now. I had a lovely conversation with a friend this morning who told me I should focus on the positive things, so it has spurred me on.

The aim of my gratitude journal is to sign in to my blog each evening and jot down the three things that I am most grateful for that day. What am I hoping to gain from this exercise? Well, I just want to be able to focus on those positives in my life. To make a conscious effort to thank the "powers that be" for the wonderful things that come in to my world on a daily basis. My goal? 30 days of gratefulness in words, which will hopefully lead to a daily gratefulness within! Go on....join me!

No More Drama

Last night I was thinking about all the drama that has been a part of my life. It doesn't matter what I have or haven't done, it just doesn't seem to end.

My earliest memory of drama entering the arena was when I was about ten years old. My parents sat us kids down and told us Mum was going away for a while....for a break. It was just going to be my brother, sister and myself, and my Dad. I will never forget that morning - we had just farewelled two hockey playing girls who had stayed with us whilst playing in a tournament. So I found it kind of strange that one minute we were all playing "happy family" and the next, my family was falling apart.

Mum returned from her "break", but from that day onwards, I guess you could say it pretty much snow-balled. The next couple of years we went from living very comfortably, in a home proudly built by my plumber Father, to renting from a family friend, until finally my Mum and Dad called it quits. Dad moved out and in to a caravan park, and we saw him on and off for a while. Mum met my Step-dad a little while later, and he moved in. A year or so after that, my older sister moved out, and we moved in to a cramped caravan and called it home.

A couple of years later, we made the journey to Melbourne. A fresh start. A new beginning. Probably the best decision my parents ever made. Unfortunately the drama didn't end there. Melbourne was a double-edged sword. I had the fresh start, the new beginning, but this move ended up costing me 15 years of my relationship with my Father. Although it didn't really worry me at the time (I had a brilliant Step-dad), on reflection, I feel sad that my Dad didn't know me during those years. I am, however, very grateful that he decided after 15 years to call me out of the blue, and make a conserted effort to get to know both myself and my family.

So that was the start of the drama......I would be here for the next month if I were to detail every other chapter since, so I won't bore you! Let's just say there have been ups and downs with siblings and a marriage gone wrong - which thankfully led to a marriage so very, very right. Custody issues, births, deaths and marriages. I am now lucky enough to be able to say that I have what I think is a brilliant life, filled with love, joy and above all else - contentment. So last night I decided - no more drama! It made me think of a wonderful song by the divine Ms Mary J Blige. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6llhXFBz8g">

I really would like to think that my new mantra of "no more drama" really does mean an end to it - but I am old enough and wise enough to know better. I am also determined enough to do my best to avoid any more drama, so that is what I am going to try to do!

Milestones

At the ripe old age of 35, I have reached what I would call a Milestone in my life! I am finally "ok" with the reality that I will never be pregnant again, therefore will not be having any more babies...

Since having my surgery in December, I have wondered on a few occasions how I would react to any of my close friends telling me their good news - a pregnancy. Well, it is with great joy and relief that I can say - it's all good! I have a couple of very good friends who have given me their wonderful news, and I have been nothing short of ecstatic for them! And to top it all off, today whilst at the shopping centre with my family, I saw a heavily pregnant woman and said to my hubby "Oh, I so don't miss that"!

The reason I am so pleased with this milestone is that I never truly believed I would ever be ready to say "no more babies". Instead, I am now ready to say "bring on the babies"! Just somebody else's!

This comes with perfect timing, as my littlest treasure is about to reach her own milestone - her second birthday. No longer is my baby a baby, she is now a little girl. And whilst this brings a slight feeling of sadness, it also brings an incredible amount of joy and pleasure. As each day goes by, Chloe is giving each and every one of us in our family more to laugh about. She is a joyful child, and so very smart and full of fun! The fact I can understand full sentences tells me we are heading in to another beautiful stage of her life and I can't wait to see what sort of a little girl she will grow in to.

My quote for today is for those of you who have special little girls in your lives - "The most important gift anyone can give a girl is a belief in her own power as an individual, her value without reference to gender, her respect as a person with potential".
-- Emilie Buchwald

School Holidays....

It's school holidays here in Melbourne. Many of my friends on facebook share their glee at the approaching holidays, and I must say - I don't think I ever have! I don't tend to think of the bonuses that come with no school. That is - not having to get up by a certain time to get everyone dressed, fed, washed and organised before hurriedly running out the door and down the street before 9am! No school lunches to prepare the night before. No making sure Chloe has gone down early enough for her sleep to ensure she has had at least a little shut-eye before we run back out the door in the afternoon for school pick-up. No rushed bath time in the evening, because the kids are allowed to stay up a bit later. No fighting and arguing about where their readers and spelling words are. And last but certainly not least.....no arguments at bedtime, because they are all tired and ready for sleep.

As you may have guessed from the above....these school holidays have made me realise (finally) why so many parents look forward to them. I have tried really hard to look past the arguments over who is using the computer first, who is playing with who, why someone's sister won't play with them when she has a friend sleep over, why an 11 year old has to go to an indoor play centre, and why oh why can't Mummy please just have five minutes to herself to breath?! I have made peace with the fact that the benefits are finally outweighing the arguments!

To make these school holidays even more joyful is the fact that my eldest son had his first taste of independance and responsibility. He had asked me if he would be allowed to go to the cinemas with a mate, by themselves - unaccompanied by an adult. So after the inital shock and automatic response inside my head of "No way!", I told him I would think about it. I had to really put it in to perspective - he is starting secondary school next year (GASP), and will be catching public transport on a daily basis. So I guessed it was time to give him a little bit of trust and see how he coped.

One conversation with my dear husband, and the mother of his mate later, and I told him he could go. The next morning we all took him to the cinemas and met up with his mate and his Mum. And after being read the "riot act" they shuffled off to watch their film. Two hours later and this very proud Mum was happy to hear they had behaved wonderfully (we had worded up a lady in the theatre!) and had a great time.

As this year edges closer and closer to an end, I am getting just a tad nervous about my first born leaving my so-called nest and embarking on becoming a teenager. I keep joking about going on a holiday with him in a few weeks time - just the two of us - and how I am going to lap up the one on one time before he turns feral! But in my heart of hearts, I am just so proud of the boy he has grown in to, and hoping to be just as proud as he grows in to a man.

Soooooo......that's my enlightenment these school holidays! I am enjoying them, as are my kids! You will all be shocked to hear that I have not had time to watch any episodes of Oprah!

My quote for today: "If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders." ~Abigail Van Buren

Just sharing....

So once again I have been blog surfing.....catching up on posts by some of my favourite bloggers. Erica over at www.thefeministafiles.blogspot.com directed me towards this little gem - I loved rule number one, so thought I would share:

"In her new column for O, author, political commentator, and veteran campaign strategist Donna Brazile offers her rules to live by.

1. Be the buffalo.
Wilma Mankiller, the first female principal chief of the Cherokee nation, once told me how the cow runs away from the storm while the buffalo charges directly toward it—and gets through it quicker. Whenever I'm confronted with a tough challenge, I do not prolong the torment. I become the buffalo."

I wish I had of known this many, many years ago! It would have more than likely helped me to get through so many trials and tribulations.....oh well, I got through them regardless! I shall now endeavour to be "The Buffalo" when faced with challenges - I'm pretty sure that as a mother of four kids, I have many more challenges to come!

My quote for the day? Well, I came across this one today and it jumped out at me! "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."— Eleanor Roosevelt. So I have paid this little quote forward, to a friend's teenage daughter. Typical teenage girl issues, which never have a typical solution. I just want my kids to stay my "babies" forever.....

A little old disclaimer....

So I'm guessing disclaimers should be put at the start of something? Well, I'm doing things a little differently.

As the title of my little blog states, all of my thoughts and ramblings that I put out there for people to read are My Insight. They are my feelings, thoughts and opinions on things that are going on in My life. This blog was started because I love writing (well, typing as we now know it!). I am an emotional person, I do not shy away from letting people know how I feel. So for me to hop on here and pour out my feelings on everything from conversations I've had with complete strangers, issues I'm having with family or friends and general day to day what I like to call "bullshit" is my perogative.

I do not write anything on here with any intent, only my insight. So what I guess I'm trying to say is, please feel free to read my blog, and furthermore give me your feedback. But if you know me in person, please don't "read in to it". If you would like to know more, then ask me - I'll be happy to tell you!

I have had some wonderful feedback and comments made to me about my little blog, and it has encouraged me to continue, so thank you for that!

My quote for today comes from a comment I received in relation to one of my blog posts - "Love and Friendship"......that's all! x

An unfortunate update...

Hello friends.....

It is with a very heavy heart that I share the news of the passing of my dear elderly friend I had only blogged about a month or so ago. In the end, his family and friends got their wish - for him to pass away with dignity and comfort, in his own home.

For the past 13 years I have cared for this man, and treated him exactly how I hope I am treated if I am ever in the position of being under someone else's care. For the most part, he was a very joyous man, and loved a good laugh - often at someone else's expense. So it is now that my co-workers and I get the privilege of taking part in organising his farewell. Yesterday, three of my closest friends and I sat around a table with a funeral director, and bravely faced up to having to choose a coffin and flowers for him. This is something I honestly did not believe I would have to do for a very long time....but it truly is an honour to be able to send him off with the same amount of joy and respect that he had whilst still with us.

Although yesterday was difficult and there were tears shed, there was also a great deal of laughter as we all shared the amusing stories about this man we had all come to love and treasure. I am hoping that his funeral will also be a mixture of tears and laughter - as we mourn our loss but also celebrate the sheer joy of knowing him and sharing his life.

So today I shall sign off with a quote from my friend - "Are you there Dear?" No matter where you were in this gentleman's home, you could hear him calling out, and for the majority of times, all he wanted was to be reassured he was not alone. Well, RF, you weren't alone, and you never will be. My hope is that you have been reunited with your loving Mum and Dad, and that you are resting ever so peacefully.

"Service is the rent we pay for living"- Malaak Rock

Today's quote is from the gorgeous, drop-dead, stunning wife of the funniest man in the world - Chris Rock. Yet again, I was watching my daily episode of Oprah, and Malaak was taking part on the show, sharing her views on volunteering (and plugging her book "If it takes a village, build one"). When she said "service is the rent we pay for living" I thought it was a great way of looking at volunteering, or helping those who need or want help.

Yesterday, my eldest son and I took part in the "MS walk and fun run" here in Melbourne. It was something I decided to do when another friend on facebook posted he was doing it with his sons. I already knew four people who were living with MS, so it was something I felt was quite close to my heart. As I set the wheels in motion and asked my friend if I could join his team, I put two and two together and worked out that his gorgeous wife (who I had known for a couple of years whilst being kindergarten mums together) was also living with MS. So this then pushed me on and made me even more determined to raise money for the cause and raise awareness of a disease that was becoming much more common than I would like to acknowledge.

A few weeks later, I was overwhelmed by the support and sponsorship of friends and work colleagues and had raised $420 (my son raised $180)! So yesterday, Lochie and I made our way in to the city, in the freezing cold and rain, and joined thousands of others on a 5km walk (braver and fitter people took part in the run!) around Albert Park Lake!

Spending a few hours surrounded by people who had taken the time to register, raise money and take part in a fundraiser, to raise awareness and money for a cure, was very humbling and surprisingly - given the dodgy weather - enjoyable. It was also a great teaching lesson for my 11 year old son, who was complaining to me about having a sore foot......It was then that I explained exactly what MS was, and how it affected people living with it. I told him to have a good look around at all of the people who were taking part in the walk - because not only were there people like us who were doing our parts on behalf of people with MS, there were hundreds of people with MS either making their way around themselves, with the help of family and friends or being pushed around the course in wheelchairs. He soon stopped complaining.

Volunteering, fundraising and general service to your fellow human beings is a wonderful way to get a wider view of your community. Sometimes I think we focus way too much on ourselves, community service can be a wonderful way of shifting that focus and and giving our time and energy in ways that help us to appreciate how great our lives really are.

I am now going to keep my eyes peeled for the next stint of fundraising or volunteering I can contribute too. But what has made me most happiest about yesterday, was that after our walk Lochie asked me to wait a minute whilst he strolled over to a tent set up with information about the MS Readathon. He picked up a flyer and said "This is something I could do Mum". Made my day!

You know how much I like to share? Well tonight I was clicking the "next blog" tab and it lead me to a blog titled "Starswirlz"..... There were quite a few beautifully written and quoted passages, but this one in particular tugged on my heart strings:

"Why do people always like to run away and not face the issue? Don't they know that once you start running, you will always be running away from the problem and never getting over it? What if one side decides to stay and face it but the other runs? That must be the suckiest feeling in the world, to be left stranded trying to solve a problem that requires both to be involved. It's like trying to clap with one hand."

Hmmmm, yes, I feel like I have been clapping with one hand! Got it in one! And so goes my never-ending lesson of self-discovery and self-counselling....who would have thought another Blogger would help me through posting his own thoughts? I love this blogging world!

My quote of the day: "I got it!" by my baby girl Chloe. This is her first real put together sentence - and it is just beautiful! Have a great day/night wherever you are!

I've been watching too much daytime television!

Hello friends....

As the title of this post suggests, I have indeed been watching too much day time television! Well, in all honesty - I've been recording too much and watching it when I can!

Yesterday's viewing included an episode of Oprah I IQ'd (for any US readers, this means Tivo'd) featuring Rosie O'Donnell. Now, I haven't seen Rosie for a couple of years, since she decided to hot-foot it from "The View", a much loved daily show of mine. And I must say, the hour she spent with Oprah was very interesting and delved in to so much of Rosie's life and what had been happening with her since her departure.

Yes, it was interesting to get a peek in to her household (she now has her own reality tv show in the states about family) and the way she and her ex-wife co-parent whilst both getting on with their own lives and new partners. But it was much more interesting to hear how Rosie has been dealing with depression, anger and just to throw a spanner in to it - menopause!

Rosie had many things to say about all of the above, but I actually wrote down a couple of quotes, because I was surprised at how much they resonated with me and where I am at in life right now. So I thought I would share....

In talking about her "falling out" with the almighty queen of television, Barbara Walters, she stated "If I had of been braver, I would have just cried, and said you really hurt my feelings". But apparently, instead, she screamed and insulted Barbara and said she thinks she even scared her. I sooooo get this. But I feel like I'm on the flip side. I tend to cry and state exactly how I feel, but think that sometimes it would be much more effective to scream and be angry? So I guess, in essence, Rosie made me feel like I am the braver person, for being able to share my feelings and emotions.

The other wonderful lesson she shared was that of her growing up without a Mother, after she died when Rosie was just ten years old. Rosie said she had always thought of herself as a "mother-less child", when in fact she was now a "child's Mother". I thought this was beautiful. "At what stage do You tell a different story? You have so many different stories in your life". Wow.....who would have thought Rosie O'Donnell could have such powerful insight? I was only talking to my brother the other day, who had called me out of the blue, since he disappeared from my radar a year earlier. I was so very proud of myself, because I managed to stay calm and really tell him exactly what I thought about the way his life was going, and what I thought he needed to do to get back on track. I wish in a way I had watched Rosie a couple of days earlier so I could share this little gem with him.

The last little piece of scribble I took down from Rosie had to do with living her authentic self. Now, once again, I had heard Oprah (god love her) say this many times over the years, but had never taken it in. Rosie, in talking about the split from her ex-wife, said she felt like she was now living her life as her "authentic self". Hmmmmm.......isn't this something we would all like to be doing? I know I sure would! I have spent the majority of my life being what you would call a "people pleaser". I thought I had left that label behind after my split from the ex-husband, but on reflection, I have noticed I have slipped back in to old habits and am worrying way too much about what other people think of me, and wanting to feel accepted and liked. So, thank you Rosie, I have now put in to place my authentic self! And the only people I am aiming to please, apart from myself, are my husband and children. Because at the end of the day, their opinions are the only ones that matter!

Phew......I'm so grateful for day time television! What on earth would I do without Oprah? Who needs medication when you have her to turn to?

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime

Two days ago, I received a lovely email in my inbox. I know we all receive "chain emails", the kind that state you have to forward to so many friends by a certain time or something good won't happen, but this little treasure arrived at precisely the right time! I was more than happy to forward it to my most special of friends, and more importantly, I read it and took note. It hit a chord in my heart. So please enjoy:

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person..

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is a clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

This lovely little email put things from the last couple of months in to a new perspective.

And that's it for this morning - no quote, as I feel this passage says it all.

Have a really lovely day!

Baby talk

Just a quickie.....

I'm not ready for my 22 month old baby girl to cease having her daily nap! I am hoping she is not ready also, but the fact that she has taken to lying in her cot for a couple of hours every day mucking around, pooing or generally just hanging out makes me think she has a hidden agenda! Is it that she just loves me soooo much that she can't bare the thought of going to sleep and missing out on something? Oh, I make myself laugh.....

Quote for today is an oldie but a goodie! "Patience is a virtue"....I must have virtue in the bucket load!

Enjoy your day, as I venture in to her bedroom to surrender and prepare myself for a grizzly girl in approximately two hours!

Light Bulb Moment

So I've been rattling on about how busy life has been and how stressed I have been, but have not gone in to more detail because I just couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't know how to express how I was feeling in a way that didn't ramble on and on endlessly and wouldn't make me cry! But yesterday, whilst enjoying a very rare and relaxing day at home, I had a light bulb moment. You know those moments Oprah talks about relentlessly? Well, Hallelujah! The light bulb finally lit up for me!

I worked out the reason why I had been so sad the last couple of months - the loss of a best friend is the equivalent to the break up of a marriage. Now that may seem quite full on and over the top for some of you reading this, but to me - it hit the proverbial nail on the head. I have been, and still am, in mourning over a friendship I thought would be life long. Someone who had become, in my eyes, an integral part of our family and a huge part of my children's lives.

It has been especially hard to fathom because I can honestly say that in my 35 years in this world, I have never, ever had a "falling out" with a friend. I was one of the lucky girls who didn't have to put up with other girls crap. Have never been the target of a group of girls who decide I am not cool enough, or good enough to be part of their enclave. So I guess it is no wonder that I am struggling with this, and really just do not know how to deal with it? On the other hand, it has also made me reflect on my earlier years and wonder whether I ever made anyone else feel the way I am currently feeling? I certainly hope not.

I have said in earlier posts how lucky and blessed I feel for having such a wonderful array of friends and not just passing friendships, but many of them have been formed over decades. So I am now coming to the conclusion that although I may have "lost" a friend, I have so many other amazing people in my life, that it is now time to just move on and let bygones be bygones.

So I am sharing this with you because from today onwards, I am going to make a concerted effort to "get over it". To stop worrying about what I may have done, or what they did or didn't do. I have decided I have wasted so much energy worrying about what other people think of me (which is exactly what I did when I actually did get divorced) and need to direct that energy towards my family and the friends who really value me for the person I am.

So, in my husband's words, here is today's quote for the day - "It's their loss". Haven't we all told someone that at some stage? Well, I am now going to listen to those words and try to remember it when I have my sad days. Onwards and upwards!

Have a fantastic day!

Sharing is caring

What to do in the case of a very elderly gentleman, whose congestive heart failure is seemlingly getting the better of him? He has lived one of the most colourful lives I have come across, and is a brave man - born in the 1920's to a caring yet stoic mother and father, who unfortunately had to make the difficult decision to relinquish the care of their son to an institution (once politely named "Janefield Colony for Mental Defectives"). His "defect"? An intellectual disability and schitzophrenia. I came to know him 13 years ago, when I began working in his home as a disability carer. And over those years I have laughed, cried and on many occasions been left speechless by the amazing tales he has shared.

As this enduring old man makes his way through his ninth decade of life, the question is: to allow him to live out his remaining days in his own home, surrounded by people (carers and co-residents) who genuinely love him and would do anything to make him feel comfortable and safe. Or, give in to bureaucracy, and let those with higher ranks make the decision to move him to another group home or nursing home, where people don't know him and aren't familiar with his own little quirks, or alternatively do not have the staffing to allow the time and patience required to help him through his days?

This is the position I, and my co-workers, are finding ourselves in at present. For the past month I have gone to every shift wondering whether this man, who is like family, is still with us? On one hand, I am hoping that he is still battling on and telling his amusing stories, but on the other - wishing that his heart has taken its final beat whilst he is with familiar faces and those who cherish him.

My quote for the day - "Home IS where the heart is". Not where convenience and cost dictates.....

Enjoy your evening!

Decisions, decisions....

What to decide, I hear you say? Well, now that I am aware that my blog is actually being read, and by friends none-the-less - am I going to have to think more carefully before I actually post my thoughts? My decision - I am going to do my best to not over analyse my thoughts before pushing the "publish post" button!

I have once again been AWOL from you little blog.....but have no fear, I have not abandoned you! I have truly just been so busy and snowed under with not only work, children, husband and life in general, but my head has been spinning for a couple of months now with my over analytical thoughts and worries. And as I write this post, it is still spinning and unfortunately I am having a lot of trouble slowing it down!

As I sit here happily (albeit hurriedly)blogging away, I can hear my children playing and await a scream or cry to alert me that it's not going so well. I was expecting my husband to walk through the door 20 minutes ago after being interstate for the past 3 days - but nooooo, Qantas decided it would send his baggage on a trip to another capital city, so he is currently sitting at the airport waiting on said luggage to land. My gorgeous, but naughty, little poodle baby is sitting outside the back door due to his ever increasing habit of peeing inside and I am trying incredibly hard to ignore it all and pretend that everything is just peachy!

I promise I will return with a much more interesting and enthralling post in the very near future.

And my quote for the day? "The only people you need in your life are the ones that need you in theirs. Don't make someone a priority if they only make you an option." I have no idea where this originated from, but I saw it on a friend's facebook page and although I whole-heartedly agree, I struggle on a daily basis to do so.

Have a lovely day!

DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF

This afternoon whilst sitting at work, I caught a glimpse of a book in the tray of a co-worker - "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff". I picked it up, and began reading the first couple of pages, and it has me hook, line and sinker.
I have had what I guess you would call a tumultuous past few weeks, and this book is making so much sense of so many things I have been truly struggling with. Funnily enough, I have on many occasions over the years used the title of this book when trying to make others feel better about their own issues - but have never truly taken it on board myself.
I will now be the first to admit - I DO sweat the small stuff! I don't do it on purpose, in fact, whilst I'm sweating about the small stuff, I am telling myself to stop! I think the majority of us worry about the "little things" going on in our lives, when really, we should be focusing more on the great things happening around us.
I have been naughty and read 36 pages of the book, when I should be working. But it has me wanting more and I am considering asking my co-worker if I can borrow the book for the week so I can finish it! The fact that I have not read a book - and by book, I mean something other than a children's book - for quite a few years, but am drawn to wanting to read this one, has to say something?
This little gem is made up of 100 short but sweet chapters revolving around the stated title. And I'm pleased to say that first thing tomorrow, it's off to the book store for me, so I can buy myself a copy and continue with my read!
So the quote for today? "Don't sweat the small stuff"- seriously, don't!

Out of the mouths of babes #2

I told you I would have follow up editions to this title! My darling 6 year old daughter had her second sleepover here this week. And it couldn't have gone any better! Apart from the fact her friend staying shares the same name as her baby sister - making it rather confusing every time I called for either of them, the girls had a blast! Andrew and i giggled our way through the evening listening to the two girls belting out Miley Cyrus songs and strange american accents streaming from the bedroom - which upon further investigation, was their impersonation of what their Bratz dolls sound like!
So after a few hours of playing and a trip to the in-law's for dinner, we returned home where I told them they could read books for ten minutes....when I went back to tuck them in, Chelsea tells me her book is about fairies, and her friend was allowed to read it, because she believed in fairies. I nodded my head in agreement and commented I believed in fairies also. To which little friend pipes up "And my Dad believes in farts"........it took me all my time not to burst in to fits of laughter! I love, love, love the banter of children!
So that little pearl of wisdom is my quote for today.....when all else fails, and you are grasping for something - anything to really believe in, think of basic human bodily functions!
Have a great evening...

Fear plus action, is where you discover courage

Good evening......I just had to share this little drop of inspiration I saw posted on a friend's facebook page.

"Fear plus action, is where you discover courage". It is a very fitting quote considering the state of mind I am in at present. My ever joyous ex-husband has once again reared his head, and decided after almost ten years, he is still not quite done with tormenting me and trying to make my life miserable!

Today I took my fears and put them in to action, which I found took a hell of a lot of courage. I have realised over the last year or so, that I have let this man take control of my ability to mother my son, and last night - I decided no more...

Baby steps is what will be required, but I figure it's better than backward steps!

I've been inspired!

Well hello there little blog! I have been a terrible blogger and have treated you badly.....but I'm back again - inspired to blog at least once a week - let's see how I go!

Forgive me, as I have had a few very "trying" months getting used to a 'new me'. You see, a week before Christmas I had surgery, which in essence has probably changed me as a woman more than I ever believed it could have. And I guess I am only beginning to realise what a huge change it will be...

Having a hysterectomy has made me really come to terms with the fact that I no longer will be procreating and bringing any more beautiful little souls in to this world. And although I am grateful for the four amazing children I have, I don't know whether I would have really ever been ready to say 'no more'. But alas, this little body of mine made the decision for me, so I have just gone with the flow (pardon the pun) and allowed myself to accept the changes and hopefully move on.

I had a lovely catch up with a beautiful friend of mine the other day, and told her of a (now) funny little post-op story: About two weeks post-op I was watching a television show on MTV about teen mums. I emerged from the back loungeroom in tears and stated to my husband "I told you I wasn't allowed to watch anything about new born babies for at least a few month" and continued to the bathroom where I thought it best to get out cleaning products and spray my shower whilst balling my eyes out! And in true fashion, Andrew came in and wrapped his arms around me (I'm sure trying not to laugh at the sight of me hunched over holding my wound, spraying shower cleaner and crying) and told me everything would be alright. I knew I was going to be ok not having babies anymore, but the realisation that I no longer had an option or the equipment to do so was pretty raw.

So after three months of recovery and getting thrown back in to another year of new routines, and precious time with my children, I am doing ok and getting used to this new me.

My quote for today is "When somebody shows you who they are - believe them the first time". I was just watching an episode of Oprah and heard this quote once again, but today it really hit home. I have struggled for the past nine and a bit years with an ex-husband and his ever changing personalities. Hearing this quote again today has made things a little clearer.....

Have a lovely day!