2013 - The Year That Was....

In one word - exhausting.

If I were to look back at 2013, I would tell you that I got through it.  I landed on my feet - opposed to curling up in a ball.  So I guess I would call it a success?

On the creative side of life, it couldn't have been a better year!  I finished my 20th quilt for the year last weekend, and happily handed it over to my husband's cousin, for the new little man in her life - baby Archie.  And I have to say - the satisfaction that I receive when I've finished a quilt and am able to gift it to someone is unbelievably wonderful!  It adds to the enjoyment of the making.

I somehow managed to make the ever popular Swoon quilt too..... Which to my utter astonishment has had over 7500 view on Flickr after being picked up by Explore!  It seems people like a random photo with a cat!

I took my paper-piecing addiction to an all new high, by making this fairytales wall hanging....

I've made a gazillion cushions this year.  Plenty for gifts and plenty for a consignment that headed over to a homewares shop in Bali.  Happy to say they all sold!

There's been Bee Blocks.....

And assorted other projects....

And amongst all of the quilty things I've made for myself and others - I've made plenty of little people's clothing for customers (and my kids!).....

I think it's fair to say I spent a fair bit of my year behind my Bernina.

And on a personal note..... I think I've achieved a hell of a lot....

I've watched those four kiddos of mine grow like weeds.  Apparently I now have a man for a son.  My bestest friend moved back to Australia after 15 years in London, and I've been blessed to be a part of her two little girl's lives.  I've won fabric!  I bought a big kick-ass camera and am loving taking photos.  I've made cakes.  Lots of them.  I've spent countless days and nights with close friends.  I've learnt to quilt - properly!  I learnt to paper-piece, and became addicted.  I've bought a shit load of fabric.  I participated in my first ever crafty swap/secret santa.  I participated in my first ever quilt-along.  I went overseas with my husband for the first time.  I hosted my first ever blog hop.  And I survived Christmas!

I've had some pretty shitty times this year also.  I've watched my sister kick an almost 30 year habit and have been by her side to deal with the ramifications.  I've learnt more about mental illness, but feel like I will never, ever understand.  I've watched my teenage son become a man, and helped him through what could have turned out to be an absolute disastrous situation.  I've gotten along with his father - mostly.  I've seen families torn through in-fighting and poor decisions.  And I've been sadly reminded that life is too short for some, and to never, ever take the ones I love for granted.

2014 is shaping up to be a fabulous year.  Today is my tenth wedding anniversary!  In a few week's time, my youngest will be heading off to school, and for the first time in 15 years, I will have no children at home.  I am planning on working less weekends, and working more weekdays.  I am planning on diving in the deep end and pushing forward with some business dreams I have held for far too long.  But most of all - I am planning on continuing to see the great things in life and not focusing on the crappy ones!

So after that long, drawn out recap of this year - I wish you all a wonderful and happy new year!  May it be fun, filled with love and laughter.  I thank you all for coming to visit me here in my happy place, and look forward to sharing my trials and tribulations with you all again in 2014.  And a very special shout out to the wonderful group of friends I have made through quilting.  You have all become such an integral part of my daily life, and I love you dearly.

Love,

Midge

xxx

Raising a Child Takes A Village - Raising a Child with Social Media Involved Takes An Army.

If you've been around these parts for a while, you will know that I am partial to putting on my ranty pants.  I get my knickers in a knot about all kinds of interesting bullshit - but mostly about teenagers and the way things are today.

Enter today's post.

I think I'm doing an OK job as a parent.  I think that my eldest son's Dad and I, together with my husband and his Dad's partner, are banding together in some kind of strange unity to get him through these revolting teenage years.  If someone had of told me ten years ago that we would be working together, I would have laughed hysterically.  But a couple of months ago, when our son decided it was time to "up the ante" and test the proverbial waters, we all joined forces to SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN.

And it's worked.  So far.

What I AM struggling with, is being aware of everyone else's children.  Being aware of what they're up to, the shit they're getting in to.  And their parents being oblivious to it.  Hey, I'm not saying I'm perfect - clearly not.  It took almost six months for us to find out that our son had been feeding us bullshit sandwiches!  But in relation to social media - I'm on it.  I'm on his back - always have been, always will be.  We have explained to him what is and what is not acceptable when on social media applications.  That "liking" photos of scantly clad women with derogatory memes or FB pages called "Straya C*nt" not only offends me at times, it also shows up on all his other friends news feeds - including his grandmothers........ and that is NOT acceptable.  We have explained to him that just because a 15 year old girl has the username "Infinity_whore" (yes, you read that correctly), does not mean that it is OK.  It in fact means that she is not only degrading herself, she is allowing others to think it's OK to use such derogatory terms.  NOT OK.

I could go on.  And on.  And on.  I have so many tales to tell about instances we have had to pull him up and educate him on how we expect him to be using social media.  And how it doesn't matter whether other parents let their children use it - or in a lot of cases - don't give a shit about how their children use it.  What matters is how HE uses it.

I digress.  The reason I chose to write AGAIN about this, today, is because I have found myself in yet another quandary in regards to knowing about a child's behaviour and trying to decide whether or not to let said child's parents know?  I know the parents, from many years ago, but we are not friends as such.  I have stewed on the information for a couple of weeks now, debating how I would divulge the information?  Would I want to know if it were my young teenage daughter?  Would I want to hear it from someone else?  I put it out there late last night to my FB friends, and the resounding answer was YES.

So this morning I have been stewing further, going over several different drafts in my head, and have put it down in a FB message to before-mentioned Mother.  I am still yet to send it.

Earlier this year, I wrote this status on my personal FB page, after reading THIS post on MamaMia:

"Some of you already know this, but to everyone else - I will contact you if I see your kids posting inappropriately on social media, or if they're younger, just letting you know that their settings are public when perhaps you would like them to be private. I'm hoping you'd all do the same! Social media can be used so wonderfully - to engage with people in a wonderful way - it's such a shame that it gets used so shitfully at times. xx"

And a whole lot of friends agreed to do the same.  In the past couple of years, I've messaged, phoned and emailed parents when I've come across something I feel is either inappropriate or potentially dangerous with regard to their children.  It is always received gratefully, and in some instances, the parents have had absolutely no idea what Facebook or Instagram even are.

My best piece of advice?  Become an expert.  An expert on social media.  Learn how to use all forms of it.  And check in on your children.  See what they are "following", "liking" and laughing at.  Because without your direction and knowledge, they are trying to learn for themselves what is right and wrong.  They are learning from other kids, who possibly don't know what they're doing either.  Social media is a whole new world in terms of parenting.  I was trying to work out what to compare it to - but I've come up with nothing.  Nothing compares to the murky waters that social media has presented to us as parents.  And I hate to think that anything ever will.

Are you navigating the murky waters of teenagers and social media?  How's it working for you?

W.I.P. Wednesday - Amongst Other Enthralling Happenings!

This past week or so has thrown up the following......

My youngest starting Kindergarten.  No words required really, it's a huge step in the life of Chloe, but also in mine.  For the first time in over 14 years, I now have TWO WHOLE days without any children home.  I'm flying solo.  Whilst I am VERY excited by this change of routine - I'm also just getting in to the swing of things.....

Big Kinda Girl

My eldest broke up with is girlfriend.  At 14 years of age, the past few months have been a learning curve - for him and me.  I never thought I would have the conversations I have had, and certainly did not think I'd have to be having them so early!  My ranty pants returned, my reality check arrived and my role as a Mother changed a little.  I would like to say that I didn't have a smile on my face when he told us he'd broken up with her.....but i would be lying.....

I've talked periods with my nine-soon-to-be-ten year old daughter.  In front of my husband.  Another conversation I didn't necessarily envision happening the way it did!  BUT - a true sign of just how much things have changed since I was her age.

I found a teeny little dead possum in our front yard......being played with by our kitten.  I posted a photo of it on Instagram, basically because I was a little perplexed.  Its bucky teeth made me second guess whether it was in fact a rat?  The photo was then posted on FB, somehow delayed by hours.  It was then that I had it confirmed, yet again, that some people feel the need to make you feel like a bad human being, a bad pet owner and a hater of wildlife.  It was then that I also remembered the "block from posts" setting...... 

I had a dodgy ear.  Blocked for a whole 24 hours.  Not appealling - at all.  This lead to having my ear syringed.  Let it be said that this procedure is even less appealling than having a blocked ear!  BUT - the relief was amazing!

I saw "Silver Linings Playbook" at the cinema.  Had no idea what it was about until AFTER I'd bought the tickets.  Young girl behind counter says "It's about a guy with bi-polar"....... I knew then that I was in for an interesting couple of hours.  Brilliant movie, but a little too close to home for me.  I cried throughout the film, and then cried the whole way home.  That evening I had an errand to run nearby my sister's workplace. I popped in just to give her a hug.  Told her about the film and that although I will never fully understand mental illness, I was trying.  And I would always have her back - even though there would always be times when I'd have to retreat to protect myself.  Tears.

I had to figure out how to help my son help a friend of his at school, who it seems is having to deal with cyber bullying and general cruelty from others.  Makes me all the more grateful for the lack of technology when I was growing up.

I welcomed back my gorgeous boss and friend to work.  After the hardest time in her life and seven months on leave, it was so lovely to have her back.

I met another neighbour.  After they decided it would be a good idea to get a trap from the council and trap our little Bella kitten in their backyard.  Apparently they do not appreciate her shitting in their sandpit.  And apparently their common sense does not prevail.  I took my partially dehydrated pussy cat back home and googled "how to stop cats shitting in sandpits".  I'm still yet to find a solution to their problem - seeing as though they do not see putting a cover on their pit an option......  For now - Bella is inside!  Suggestions welcome!

And I also cut out this:

Chloe's Good Fortune Quilt

Tomorrow is my "rostered day off" from parenting.  That is, Chloe is at kinda.  So I'm binding her quilt finally!  I ordered the Good Fortune fabric for the binding from The Oz Material Girls.  Fabulous Australian online fabric store, which meant I had it within a couple of days.

And I just wanted to share with you an amazing tool I was directed to by Molli Sparkles!  I was trying my hardest to figure out how much binding I required - something I fail at spectacularly each and every time.  I asked my lovely friends in my quilting group how to work it out, when Molli piped up with a fabulous iPhone App called Quilt Calc.  It was like Angels sung and a full orchestra came in to play when it was loaded on to my phone!  Hallelujah!  For those of you who are mathematically challenged like myself - this app is a Godsend!

In the words of another famous Molly - Do yourself a favour!

I'm linking up with 

A Chicken Pox Survival Guide - According to Me

I am hoping and praying (as I'm sure you are!) that this will be my last EVER post on chicken pox!  The past 20 days has taught me soooo much about the pox I thought I should share.  If you ever have the joyful absolutely painful task of dealing with THREE poxy children in as many weeks, you too will write your own survival guide - if in fact you survive!  So here goes:

1. When your child shows you a spot, and another one the next day - don't dismiss them as sand fly bites.

2.  Plan your chicken pox outbreak AROUND public holidays.  New Years Day in rural Tasmania is not the perfect timing for medicinal needs.

3.  Keep note of the date your first child comes out in pox.  Then mark on your calendar precisely two weeks from that date.  Put an alert in your phone, something along the lines of "MASS POX HYSTERIA" to remind you that the remaining children will ALL come out in pox that day.

4.  Keep all supplies from the first child's pox episode.  You will need them - and more.

5.  Buy shares in all late night pharmacies NOW.

6.  Make friends with your local Naturopathic/Health Food store.

7.  Don't make the mistake of thinking because your child has been immunised, that they are immune!

In all seriousness though, here are the products and procedures we used that benefitted the kids the most:

* Pinetarsol - It's bright green and has a most peculiar smell that lingers weeks after use.  BUT it's quite effective in warding off the itches.  It now comes in a host of different forms, but we bought (thankfully) a decent sized pump pack of Gel.  Just work into a lather and cover poxy child in it, leave a couple of minutes and rinse off.  Can be used to wash their hair and soothe poxy scalps too.

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*  Solosite Gel - Comes in a tube from the pharmacy and was recommended to lessen the scarring caused by pox.  Tubes are not big enough for masses of pox - so buy a few!  It is a little annoying for the patient as it gets flakey as it dries, but seems to be working well so far.

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*  Calendula Tea - This mix of dried flowers can be made up as a brewed tea.  Soak face washers in cooled tea to use as cold compresses.  Reduces redness, heat, itchiness and swelling.  Can also use in the bath for soaking in.

*  Chickweed Gel - When the pox have dried out completely and the itching is driving them crazy, the Chickweed Gel worked quite well!  It has Aloe Vera and Tea Tree oil in it, so smells yummy!

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*  PHENERGAN - This is THE MOST essential item on the list!  Get a bottle (or two/three depending how many kids you've got) for the kids, and the tablet form for yourself!  You can use the lowest dose during the day to help with the itchiness, and the highest sedative dose at night to help the kids sleep.  My sleep cycle was completely thrown out, so the tablets over three nights got me back in to gear!

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*  The Ocean - If you are within walking or driving distance to a beach, make the trip there once the pox have dried up and are no longer contagious.  Whilst in Tassie we were a walk away, and it made a huge difference to Cadyn's sores.  And I took the girls last week two days in a row, and saw a HUGE improvement!  Salt water is a great, natural antibiotic and healing tool.

*  But the best thing possible to get through Chicken Pox?  Patience and a sense of humour.  If you don't laugh - you will definitely cry!  I can honestly say I have never been as cool, calm and collected as I have the past 20 days.  For some unknown and crazy reason, I just accepted that there was nothing AT ALL that could change the situation I was in, and I had to let go of ALL control.  Which, if you know me well, you would realise is a very hard thing for me to do!

All six of us have survived, with smiles intact.  I came home from work today to find that my nine year old Chelsea (who copped THE worst case of all) had returned in all her whinging, whining, sooking glory!  She's back!  Fingers crossed this is the end and we can all return to our regular routines.

Post Beach Happiness!

Have you had to deal with a trail of Pox?  How did you manage?

Sign Of The Times?

Do you remember when you were growing up and you'd hear your grandparents say "Back in my day...." or your parents say "when I was a girl....."?  Do you remember rolling your eyes and thinking "yeh, yeh" and wondering what all the fuss was about?  Thinking that all of them were just old fogies who had no idea about what you were going through, about the type of world you were growing up in?  And thinking "when I'm a parent, I'm NEVER going to be like that!"?  Well, I feel like I'm in a never-ending version of that complete paragraph at present!

One word - Teenagers.

I want to know what on earth has happened in the 20 years since I finished being a teenager?  Since when did it become OK to do everything that it wasn't OK to do when I was a teenager?  Have I really been living under a rock BOULDER???  I don't think I'm naive, I don't think I'm a fuddy duddy, in fact I think I'm a pretty COOL MUM.  But if the teenage years get more eventful and more testing the older they get - I could lose my cool.....

At 14 years of age, I had only just relinquished my Barbie dolls, started filling out a bra and was not remotely interested in sex.  Don't get me wrong - I had a pulse, and hormones, so I knew the opposite sex existed - I just wasn't interested nor prepared to get involved in anything more than a kiss.

Fast forward to 2013........where 13 year olds think it's OK to drop the F bomb in front of their friends' Mum.  Where parents think it's ok for the same age girls to roam the streets after 5pm, hang out with boys unsupervised and wear the most ridiculously skimpy clothes known to man.  Morals are thrown out the window (or maybe they're just not taught?), restrictions on phone calls don't exist (can you imagine calling someone at 11pm back in 1988?) and writing on FB that you're on the phone to your "sexy boyfriend".  13.  THIRTEEN.

You may have guessed what I'm dealing with?  I thought the fact I had to go and borrow the "Where do I come from" book last week, for the younger members of the family, was enough sex talk for at least a month, but apparently not.  It seems my world has now become one of repetitive conversations about what is appropriate and/or inappropriate behaviour.  

Remember this little gem of a book?

The expectations I have as a parent are pretty simple - I thought?  But I'm slowly realising that perhaps my expectations are completely out of whack with the time I'm living in?  A certain someone said to me today that he was "glad he doesn't have daughters".  And I replied that I was glad I did, because I will teach my daughters (and my sons!) morals, self-esteem and love.  That my daughters will have a slew of restrictions of what/how they can and cannot wear, do, say and behave.  And that there will be consequences for the choices they make in their lives.  Am I really being THAT unrealistic to think that I can have so much input in to how my children are going to turn out?  Do I have to just give in to the fact that times have changed and expectations appear to be somewhat lowered?

I'm doing my best.  I'm having VERY open and honest conversations on a very regular basis.  I'm ensuring the teenager is informed and protected.  But I feel like I'm going "against the tide" so to speak.

Do you have teenagers?  Do you have expectations?  Discuss!

The One Where Parental Guilt Got The Better Of Me!

Approximately 26 hours ago, Andrew and I had a conversation with the kids about Halloween.  About how they would not be going trick or treating.  About how we didn't believe in Halloween.

At precisely 4.05pm today, as I got out of the car after a day at work, I was met excitedly by Chelsea and Cadyn who could not tell me quick enough how their friends' Mum was taking their friend trick or treating, and they were invited, and they really really really wanted to go, and it was life or death, and.....well you get the idea?

As I dragged my tired arse inside, along with Chloe's tired - I've been at creche all day - arse, I repeatedly said we had told them no last night.  In amidst all of the excitement, Chloe miraculously woke up and was all of a sudden raring to go.  I told the kids they'd put me in a really crappy situation, because I would look like a mean Mummy if I said no.  They concurred.....

So at precisely 4.25pm I had three even more excited kids throwing on costumes and their silly sucked in Mum using the green eyeshadow I didn't even know I owned to make them all look "ghoulish".  We then jumped in the car and drove to above mentioned friends' house, and proceeded to paint other kids faces and carve a pumpkin face?!?!

Yes, it was lovely to see the kids so excited and dressed up amusingly.  Yes, it was lovely to see the smiles in their eyes when people opened their doors and actually showed some excitement towards them.  But no, it still is not my thing!

I'm not usually sucked in by the kids - but tonight, they won hands down!

Excitment +

See that masterful Pumpkin Face?!?!?

Tired little Fairy Witch!

Do you suffer from parental guilt?  Do you "like" Halloween??

The God Father.......Minus The Horse's Head

Yesterday was yet another big day in our family's lives....Chelsea played in her second basketball grand final in a row!  Thankfully the result was better than the first - with a super come from behind win in the dying minutes!  Elation all round as parents hugged each other, families hugged eachother and I looked down to see Cadyn crying tears of happiness for his sister.  His Dad, my husband, the coach - was not too far behind him in the tears department.  Never in my life did I ever think I would be part of a ridiculously sporty family - but I am, and I'm very proud!

After the game, we had to wait around for an hour or so for team photos, and whilst I was standing amongst the throngs of people, I spotted a girl I went to high school with.  She was actually the first person I was introduced to on my first day of high school in Melbourne - way back in July 1990!  And her name was Melissa also.  I ended up moving friend groups, but we were always friendly and as the years went by, several things meant we would always seem to see one another.

One of those things was my relationship with my ex-husband.  His best friend was Melissa's brother-in-law.  His best friend would also end up standing up with us at our wedding and was also chosen to be my eldest son's God Father a couple of years later.  I can still remember his wife's conversation with me after he had been asked to take the role in our son's life.  She had said how honoured he was and that he insisted on choosing a gift and writing in the card himself.  His words were chosen carefully and I can recall being touched with how seriously he took the role of God Parent.

I bumped in to him yesterday.  I haven't seen him for a couple of years.  And he hasn't seen him God Son for at least five years.  For some reason, unknown to me, he slipped out of our lives and cut all ties with my ex-husband.  Well, I understand that part - just not why I didn't hear from them?  I have continued to send school photos with Christmas cards, on the off chance that he still cared about his God Son, but after a while got no response, so had just assumed they must have moved.  But no.  They're still at the same address.

We had a lovely chat and I showed him photos of his God Son on my phone, and he couldn't believe how much he had grown up.  I could - because I see him every day.  I wanted to say that to him, I wanted to question why he had dropped the ball as a God Parent, and why I have to explain to Lachlan that he does in fact have a God Father, but I have no idea why he doesn't have a relationship with him.  It makes me sad.  But then I remember he has an awesome God Mother, who has always gone above and beyond - even from another State - to forge a great relationshp with him.

The amount of thought that has gone in to choosing God Parents for our children is huge.  It's not something we took on lightly.  Although they were all baptised, I am not an overly religious human being, but I wanted my kids to have special relationships with another set of adults whom they could always trust and turn to if they ever thought they couldn't come to us.

Chelsea's God Parents are amazing.  They also happen to be mine and Andrew's best friends.  Cadyn's God Parents have moved a few hours away, and in her own words are "hopeless" God Parents.  I have to remind him who they are.  I still send them school photos on the off chance they want them.  And I still dearly love them regardless!!  He also has one of Andrew's brothers' as a third God Parent - which is fabulous, because he always takes the time out to spend some one on one time with him.  And Chloe?  Well thank God we chose another one of Andrew's brothers' to step up to the plate for her!  Chloe's God Mother chose to sever our friendship, and in turn her role as God Mother, a couple of years ago.  They were very, very close and had an amazing bond.  A bond that has now thankfully been formed with her God Father's long term girlfriend.

I take my own role as God Mother very seriously!  I have three "official" God daughters, one of them interstate, one overseas and one is my niece here in Melbourne.  I also have a number of very special, close to my heart kids whom I would move mountains for!  So it really bothers me when others don't see it as such a special honour and a chance to form a relationship with a little person that can continue for decades.  My own God Mother will always have a special place in my heart and has always been around for me.  And for that - I am eternally grateful.

So - do you believe in God parents?  What does it mean to you?

The Mum You Are

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This darling little gem popped up in my newsfeed this morning on Facebook.  My own Mum had shared it.  That was four hours ago, and I'm still thinking about it.

I second guess my mothering every. single. day.  Considering I am about to venture in to my 14th year of mothering, that makes for a lot of second guessing.  I can still remember bringing home my big boofa of a baby all those years ago, and having absolutely no idea what I was doing.  I was 23 years old.  A baby myself.  And this little human being needed me.  And I had no idea what I was doing.

Three more children later, and I still find myself - at times - floundering.  Beating myself up for not being the Mum I think I should be.  Like now.  What I should be doing is sitting on the floor playing some sort of game with my four year old.  I should be doing that every day yes?  But I'm not.  And I don't.  I'm not a game player.

I worry that my kids will only remember the Mum that was cranky.  The bad cop.  Will they remember the good stuff?  I know my kids love me.  The 14 year old told me (via FB when I asked him for some sort of "like, rate, honest" shit that the teenagers do!)..........

"like ur my mum and ur funny tbh ur a pretty kool mum"

So that has to count for something yes?

I'm good at preaching.  I'm a big believer in "each to their own" parenting.  Don't compare yourself, don't worry about what others are doing - when all along - I'm worrying about what I'm doing?  Will the self doubt, as a Mother, ever end?

So I ask you - do you enjoy being the Mum you are?

The Fun Police Free Weekend

I've come to the conclusion just recently that I am, in fact, the Fun Police.  Thou shalt not have silly, crazy fun - for thou may just annoy me and not allow me to do what I want.  Well, the fun police left this house Saturday morning - at precisely the same time my darling husband departed for two days away, and I was left holding the babies.  I wanted to prove to my kidlets that I CAN in fact be lots of fun, and not the uptight, stressed out, do-your-own-thing-without-annoying-me kind of Mum.

This is how I did it......

I worded the kids up - got them intrigued as to how Mum was going to keep them amused all weekend.  I asked them Friday night what they wanted for dinner Saturday?  Nachos was the vote.  Also asked what the breakfast request was for Sunday - pancakes and raisin toast.  Not a problem.  Successful trip to the supermarket that evening.

Saturday morning began bright and early with our first game of basketball at 9.15am.  Successfully got out the door with no issues.  Check.  I then bribed them with hot chips before the second game - WHICH I WAS COACHING!  Please note: I have NEVER coached a game of anything in my life - so was rather nervous.  Andrew is coach extraordinaire, so I had a bit to live up to.  Lucky for me we were playing the bottom team.  Lucky for me the five girls I was coaching knew what they were doing and all actually listened to what I did actually have to say to them.  WIN WIN!!!  19-4 Victors!

From that little victory we moved forward to more.  Hot dogs for lunch!  Can you see a little theme developing??  Thank the Lord above for sunshine!!  It meant they went outside for a while.  Well, half an hour.  I didn't complain.  Whilst I set to finishing a few sewing orders, they all found something quiet to do - in between asking for snacks - which I said yes to.  Every. single. time.  We searched iTunes for a movie to rent, but then realised we had one iq'd on foxtel.  Movie promised for after dinner.  Next thing I knew - NACHOS!  Discussion had over nachos that the football wouldn't be finished until 7.30pm, which meant it would be too late for a movie.  They all agreed!!!  WTF???

Nom nom nom

 Chloe retired to her kids channels, whilst Cadyn, Chelsea and I sat and watched the second half of the footy.  It was a super game and we were all cheering, screaming and holding our breath as we watched the Hawks beat the Swans!  It was a really nice hour.

Bedtime.  Phew.

I sat up until midnight.  Sewing.  As you do.  Clearly.

7.15am.  Sunlight.  Wide awake.  WTF???

Chloe joined me not long after and after a few quiet games of wordsearch on my phone, the other two were hassling me for pancakes.  Let me be clear on something - I am a cereal girl.  In fact, I would be what is commonly known as a "creature of habit".  That is, I eat the same cereal every.single.day.  And I eat it as soon as my feet hit the kitchen floor.  So cooking pancakes before I have eaten anything is not my idea of waking up wonderfully.  But I sucked it up.  We shook the shit out of that pancake mix (yes, I took the lazy way out) and smoked up the kitchen as we cooked up a storm.  A bench covered in lemon juice and sugar, mixed with happy children IS in fact rather wonderful.  I even skipped the cereal.

Nom nom nom - again.

And the rest of the day?  Well, I spent my time washing and cutting my little dog's hair (no more rasta poodle), dry wretching whilst emptying the cat litter (Andrew will not be forgiven for leaving that SHIT to me), listening to Cadyn and Chloe playing like maniacs and pulling all the blankets and pillows off the beds to make some sort of play equipment.  There was more time spent out in the sunshine and trawling the internet with Chelsea to find what on earth she would be wearing to Book Week dress up day on TUESDAY.  

The cause of my heaving.....Just when you think it's all gone - you're left with this foulness.

Her choice?  The pixie from The Magic Wishing Chair by Enid Blyton.  Of course.  This was at 2pm.  By 3.00pm I had received some ideas and links from my little FB sewing group and found myself driving to Lincraft.  Home by 3.30pm with a bunch of green fabrics and tights.  Impressed to say that by 5pm we had that bitch of a costume done and dusted.  Yeh.  Oh, and thanks to that same Lord above (or whoever it is) for my non-costume-loving son, who has decided he will go as Specky Magee!  Easy.

Leftover spag bog was all that was left of our bribery-through-food weekend.  Oh, and Alvin & The Chipmunks, just to top it all off!

I asked the kids at the dinner table if they'd had a good weekend?

They said Yes.

Which makes me a very happy Mummy.  I'd like to say that the Fun Police have been banished, but I would be fooling myself (and everyone else).  I'm trying to come to grips with the kind of Mum I am.  Although I may not be what I would consider a fun-lovin, easy-going kind of Mum.  I still think I'm a good one.  And it seems my kids do too.  Amen.

Did you all have a good weekend?  Do the Fun Police have a place in your home??  Two hours until Andrew gets home!!!

Smart Chart

After what I would call GIVING UP on Monday, it seems my brainy husband put some thought to the situation we had found ourselves in - again.

Last year, our youngest son, Cadyn, went through a pretty hideous time.  He hit a wall at school, which then reverberated through our home, as he hit not only walls but anything else he could possibly cry at, throw himself on the ground at or yell at.  It was a living hell.  We ended up getting some great help for him, and he was assessed for a number of things.  Turns out he is one of the millions in the world who suffers from lives with anxiety.  I crossed out the suffering part because I don't like to think that his life is going to be full of suffering - so we'll try to help him to live with it instead....

Back to Monday......It had become very apparent, blatantly obvious actually, that Cadyn's anxiety had raised its ugly head again.  Who would have thought?  A new home, new school, new friends, ongoing renovations etc etc would be enough to do anyone's head in - but throw in some anxiety - and whallah! Melt-down!  Cue the giving up part.  Andrew was at the end of his tether too.  Except instead of him throwing his hands up in the air and crying, like someone I know, he must have stayed awake Monday night, and by the morning told me he had a plan.  Fabulous.  He would go to work and get together a routine/chores chart - with incentives.  Cool.

We have done rewards charts in the past.  With varying success.  But one thing we know about Cadyn is that he is rather goal orientated.  So why not give it another crack?  Later that morning, Andrew emailed me his "first draft".  I did giggle.  Past reward charts have been put together with some poster paper, textas, a ruler and some star stickers.  Nooooooo, not this one.

It's a spread sheet.........

I gave him a little of my input, but basically left it up to him to sort out.  What we were presented with (and I do not say presented lightly - it was a boardroom presentation, with the dining room being our boardroom - I was President) was a very well thought up and executed spread sheet.  On very big size paper.  Laminated.  Impressive.

Andrew dives in to his spiel explaining the dynamics of said chart and asks for the kid's participation.  Cadyn and Chelsea both eagerly start reading out the different parts of the chart, whilst I stood behind Andrew giggling at his spread sheet genius.  I did stop and ask the kids if they actually understood what the word "dispute" meant?  Nope.  A few small explanations later and the charts made perfect sense - even Chloe had some sort of idea!

One point I did dispute, was the monetary value put on receiving a day full of ticks - with no crosses (very technical).  Each child has the opportunity to earn a dollar for every day they achieve all of their possible ticks.  I queried Andrew's maths abilities and asked him if he realised how much money that adds up to over a four week period for four kids?  $112!!!!!!!!!!  He reassured me there was no way that all four kids could achieve perfection for four weeks in a row.  We shall see.

Our new system was rolled out Tuesday night.  And much to my amazement, there has been an almost full 360 degree turn around!  I have children offering their services left, right and centre.  I see the mechanics ticking over in their little heads as they begin to dispute argue/annoy me, before stopping themselves in their tracks and reverting to angels.  I am certain we will not be sent bankrupt by our scheme, but I am also very certain that it's something we will be sticking with.  Oh, and I CANNOT WAIT to see the look on Lochie's almost 14 year old face when he sees his delightful chart stuck on his wall when he returns from his Dad's house this week!

So - how do you reign in your kid's behaviours?  Are you a poster paper or spread sheet kind of parent?

With freedom comes responsibility...sort of

The freedom that comes with your children wanting to walk home from school by themselves is rather liberating.  There's an extra 30 minutes in my day that I do not have to spend in and out of the car.  I don't have to stop what I'm doing, run around like mad looking for Chloe's shoes and making sure doors are locked and everything's turned off.  I don't have to grab my purse and phone and keys and run through all sorts of inclement weather conditions to make it up our muddy driveway and throw Chloe in to the car.  It's fabulous.

BUT

The responsibility that has now been given to my two middle children is great.  In fact, it's huge.  We practised the walk home a couple of times together before I took a big breath and agreed to their wish of walking home together.  I reiterated the importance of walking briskly towards the main road, so as to make it there whilst the crossing lady was still on duty.  I repeated myself more times than I care to remember, the importance of sticking together and crossing at official crossing points.  And I gave Chelsea the all important role of Key Holder.  She was so very proud that I had enough trust in her to hand her a key to the house.

Now it seems I must have failed in a couple of areas whilst preparing them both for not only walking home by themselves, but also arriving home to an empty house on occasion, when I have not yet returned home from work.  I DID tell them they had to call me as soon as they walked in the door, so I know they're safely home.  I DID tell them they are to lock the door behind them, and do not answer it for ANYONE.  Apparently, I did not make it clear that they weren't to take any detours on their way home.  And apparently, asking Chelsea if she has her house key as we are leaving in the morning, and her answering "yes", does not necessarily mean she has it.....as demonstrated this afternoon.

Last week, I was patiently waiting for my 4pm phone call from the kids.  I had just been telling a work mate about how well they were doing at their new school, and how they had been so very responsible.  4.05 came and went, so I called home.  No answer.  4.15 came and went, so I called home.  By the time they finally answered the phone at 4.25 I was less than amused and had quite frankly started having a little panic in the pit of my stomach.

Me: Cadyn, where have you guys been?

Cadyn: Ummmmm, I got kept back in class.

Me: For half an hour??

Cadyn: Ummmmmm, yeh.

I had a quick word with him about how worried I was and left it at that, for the time being.  I spoke with Andrew whilst we were both driving home from work and we both agreed someone was telling a porky pie.....

After dinner, we sat them both down and Andrew began his version of the Spanish inquisition.  He basically asked why on earth they took almost one hour to get home?

Cadyn:  Ummmm, I got kept back in class and blah blah blah blah blah....

Andrew and I spot the strange look on Chelsea's face, and at this point, Andrew holds his hand up to Cadyn, swiftly turns to Chelsea and asks "What happened Chelsea?"

Chelsea:  We stopped at the park on the way home for a play......

*****Crickets*****

The silence was then swiftly followed by many examples of what could happen to them whilst taking an unscheduled detour, without anyone knowing.  Nothing like a bit of scare tactics to make sure they get the point?  Takes stranger danger to a whole new level!

SO what did we learn from this exercise?  Well, I learnt that my kids are still quite naive.  Which is both a good and bad thing.  We never like to believe that our kids are growing up, but just when you accept they are, they do something that makes you realise they are still just babies.  I also learnt that they have not memorised any important phone numbers!  Whilst I was worried about some evil pervert snatching them from the park, Andrew pointed out that if either of them hurt themselves, and a good samaritan wanted to help - how could they if nobody knew our contact numbers?

Next step?  Writing our contact numbers in big black texta on the inside of their school bags!  Or alternatively, a trip to the tattooist......

How old were you when you were given such freedom and responsibility?  Do your kids you have tattoos?

A Likely Witch Hunt

Happy Mother's Day!  I worked all day but was happy to return home  to a lovely Indian meal cooked by the husband, and the children had all made and bought me lovely bits and pieces.  Nice.


What I didn't think was nice, was the not so brilliant timing of 60 Minutes' story telling.  I mean seriously, putting a story on about smacking, on Mother's Day.  Good one.  I saw the ads for it last week, and straight away thought "fabulous, that woman is going to get roasted".  I'm always curious as to why people would put themselves out there, in the public arena, to be torn to shreds?


Just to clarify - I am NOT anti-smacking.  I am NOT pro-smacking.  I am PRO-PARENTING.  This is my take on it all....


I am not a perfect parent.  Far from it.  I have smacked my kids - on the VERY rare occasion.  It's usually out of frustration.  And I ALWAYS feel guilty after I have done it.  Hence why it has rarely occurred.  Watching the story this evening, I cringed.  This Mum, whom I am certain loves her four children dearly, smacks on a rather regular basis.  My opinion is that if you are smacking your children often, and on a regular basis - it's NOT working.  It's NOT effective.  Change your tact.  Clearly this Mum thinks she is doing the right thing.  And you know what?  That's for her to live with.  I can only imagine that she is now going to go through hell - because every anti-smacker on the earth is going to want her blood.  They will be gunning for her.  And that is unfortunate.


We all parent the only way we know how.  I USED to yell.  Until a few weeks ago.  Things are different in our household now.  I am relishing the random hugs, kisses and "I love you's".  A few days ago, I lost my shit for the first time since then.  And as I raised my voice and lost my temper, my eyes were open.  I saw the way my kids were looking at me.  And I remembered why I stopped yelling.  Their eyes were sad.  I stopped and apologised.


I'm hoping that the Mum from tonight's story watched tonight, and that her eyes were open.  I'm hoping that she saw the looks on her kids faces, and their body language.  And I hope that she learns from it.  I also hope that the wider audience and the media are kind, because after all - she's a Mum, just like the rest of us.  


Did you watch tonight?  Thoughts?

To Medicate or Not to Medicate - THAT is the Question.

I have thought about writing this post for a few weeks now.  Sort of mentioned it here, but something always stops me.  I'm going to try.

When I started blogging, way back here, my little "tag line" was - "From One Un-medicated Mummy to Another."  Back then I WAS un-medicated, and still am.  But it hasn't always been that way....

I was told by my GP back in 1999 that I was depressed.  I was 24 years old and had a little baby boy who depended on me.  I can still very clearly remember returning home to my then husband and telling him that "The Dr says I am depressed".  His response?  "You're not depressed".  This pretty much summed up the support system I had at the time.  Zilch.  I soldiered on for a while longer until I decided I should fill the script for medication I was given.  It was only a year or so later that I realised I wasn't really depressed - I was really unhappy.  In the boldest move I would ever make in my life (I am was a chronic people pleaser) I decided I would take control, and left my husband.  Strangely enough - my depression left.  And so did the medication.

I was lucky enough to meet my fabulous husband - Andrew - about 14 months after that.  Bliss.  We have now shared over ten years together, and that unhappiness that weighed heavily on me has never shown its ugly face again.  For that I am grateful.

Regardless of my giddy happiness, and complete and utter fulfilment family wise, my dear old brain and its battle with serotonin have led me to medication a few times.  Well, three times to be exact!  It seems one of the downfalls for me whilst being pregnant, was that I felt like a crazed woman.  I couldn't control my temper, my emotions, my anxiety.  I had no control.  Over anything.  I was in the fortunate position of having a wonderful obstetrician when pregnant with Chelsea, and he suggested anti-depressants could possibly help.  And he was right.  They did.

I always made a point of explaining to people that I was NOT depressed.  Anti-depressants, for me, level me out.  They lessen my stress levels, my anxiety, and make me a little more "zen".  Throughout my last two pregnancies, a point would come where Andrew and I would have a conversation that went something like this....

Andrew - "I think maybe you might need to go and see the Dr?"

Me - "I think maybe you're right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I wish I had of had such insight back when I was pregnant with Lochie.  I was the same anxious, stressed ball of emotion back then - but did not have the support or type of relationship where it was acknowledged.  There were warning signs.  Like the time we got in to a fight (I was probably 7/8 months pregnant) and he locked me out of the house to calm down.  In the rain.  Not a good idea.  Let's just say I ended up kicking a glass door in.  Hmmmmm......should have taken that warning sign and run with it!?!

Anyway.......... The reason I am writing about this NOW is that over the past few weeks, well months really, I have admitted to myself - and Andrew, that I'm struggling.  Struggling with everything.  And unfortunately I take my frustration and lack of control out on my beautiful kiddies.  I've always been a bit of a "yeller".  Not something I'm proud of, but it's me.  When I feel like I have been feeling, I lose control, and I can scream like a banshee.  I hate it.  I hate myself when I'm doing it.  I hate myself after doing it.  

I'm super aware of the fact that mental illness is part of my family.  It's part of my genetic make-up. I figure I shouldn't put it off, so it's off to the Doctors again.

I have a LOT of people ask me how I do it all?  How do I have four kids, work, run a small home business and still have it all together?  I generally laugh it off and joke about how I manage.  I look like someone who has it together, but THIS is the truth.  I don't!  I'm not worried about it.  My darling friend at work reassured me that sometimes we just need a little help.  SO I'm going to get it.

My question to you - How do you do it all?

So much

So much going on in my little world at present.  I don't even know where to begin.  But I'll make a start....

It's school holidays.  Half way through the first week, and I've confirmed that starting on some sort of medication for my sanity is a very good idea.  Enough said on that.....for now.

I worked my first full 3 day weekend last week, probably since the start of the year.  It was not easy.  Though, it was not hard.  I am continually torn as to how to juggle my employment around my family.  February and March were made MUCH easier for me.  I used a whole lot of annual leave which meant I had nearly every Friday and Saturday off.  Which meant I had no children home on Fridays, and I didn't miss anyone's sporting events on Saturdays.  I could breath.

My little business has picked up speed again.  After Christmas and the New Year, I wondered whether the momentum it had gained prior, would ever happen again.  It seems it will.  And is.  It makes me smile.  But it also makes me very busy.  Well, busier than the very busy I was before....

My little family (or rather large family to some) has some very exciting things unfolding.  It's been killing me to mostly keep it to myself.  And I have been a little cryptic on my FB page, leading to some private messages questioning my cryptic updates!  But I don't want to spill until all is set in stone.  Let's just say life is looking very good.  I often wonder how life keeps getting better?  When I think things are perfect, they just get perfecter (I know that's not a word, but it's fitting!).

Anyway, that's just some of it.  And even as I sit here typing about what's going on in my world, I'm still thinking about Eden, and the amazing journey she is embarking on at present.  I just read the latest post HERE.  And am feeling guilty about the little rumble in my tummy, and my want to get up and find something to quieten it.  Eden's ability to get on a plane (well, many planes) to travel halfway across the world, to raise awareness of a HUGE unfolding crisis has me thinking.  Thinking that I have been slack in my ability to make a difference.  At least once every year, I state I am going to sponsor a child.  And still, in 2012, I have yet to follow through.  I am committed this time round.  And will follow through.  And I am now accountable to you all!  I promise I will have the proof.  Thank you Eden. xxx