Fear plus action, is where you discover courage

Good evening......I just had to share this little drop of inspiration I saw posted on a friend's facebook page.

"Fear plus action, is where you discover courage". It is a very fitting quote considering the state of mind I am in at present. My ever joyous ex-husband has once again reared his head, and decided after almost ten years, he is still not quite done with tormenting me and trying to make my life miserable!

Today I took my fears and put them in to action, which I found took a hell of a lot of courage. I have realised over the last year or so, that I have let this man take control of my ability to mother my son, and last night - I decided no more...

Baby steps is what will be required, but I figure it's better than backward steps!

I've been inspired!

Well hello there little blog! I have been a terrible blogger and have treated you badly.....but I'm back again - inspired to blog at least once a week - let's see how I go!

Forgive me, as I have had a few very "trying" months getting used to a 'new me'. You see, a week before Christmas I had surgery, which in essence has probably changed me as a woman more than I ever believed it could have. And I guess I am only beginning to realise what a huge change it will be...

Having a hysterectomy has made me really come to terms with the fact that I no longer will be procreating and bringing any more beautiful little souls in to this world. And although I am grateful for the four amazing children I have, I don't know whether I would have really ever been ready to say 'no more'. But alas, this little body of mine made the decision for me, so I have just gone with the flow (pardon the pun) and allowed myself to accept the changes and hopefully move on.

I had a lovely catch up with a beautiful friend of mine the other day, and told her of a (now) funny little post-op story: About two weeks post-op I was watching a television show on MTV about teen mums. I emerged from the back loungeroom in tears and stated to my husband "I told you I wasn't allowed to watch anything about new born babies for at least a few month" and continued to the bathroom where I thought it best to get out cleaning products and spray my shower whilst balling my eyes out! And in true fashion, Andrew came in and wrapped his arms around me (I'm sure trying not to laugh at the sight of me hunched over holding my wound, spraying shower cleaner and crying) and told me everything would be alright. I knew I was going to be ok not having babies anymore, but the realisation that I no longer had an option or the equipment to do so was pretty raw.

So after three months of recovery and getting thrown back in to another year of new routines, and precious time with my children, I am doing ok and getting used to this new me.

My quote for today is "When somebody shows you who they are - believe them the first time". I was just watching an episode of Oprah and heard this quote once again, but today it really hit home. I have struggled for the past nine and a bit years with an ex-husband and his ever changing personalities. Hearing this quote again today has made things a little clearer.....

Have a lovely day!

It's been a while...

Sorry I've been away for a while! You see, our lives here in suburbia have become unusually out of routine due to my lovely husband landing a wonderful new job! The only downside of this new job - so far - is that out of the last eleven days, eight of them have been spent interstate. So the kids and I are adjusting to a 'new normal'.

I'll give you my quote of the day a little earlier than usual - ''Absence makes the heart grow fonder''. Never before have I understood this statement quite like I do now!

I have told my husband many times over the past eight years that I didn't think it was possible to be in love with someone so much, and to be more in love as each year goes on. But I am, and I do. I thank my lucky stars each and every day that I have Andrew in my life, and that we have such a wonderful little life together. This past eleven days have been difficult, but have made me appreciate him even more (yet another thing I didn't think possible).

So for those of you who sometimes may take your other half a little for granted, send them away for a few days, and see how much more you appreciate having them around!

That's it for tonight, I am absolutely knackered!

Have a great night!

Why do I feel the need to say thank you??

Yesterday, whilst at work, the same old question arose - why do i feel the need to say thank you? To my husband that is! He started his facebook day off with the status update ''I have already clothed and fed two children, emptied the dishwasher and made dinner''......this was at approximately 10.30am. I read it rather bemused. I had been up with Chloe since 7am, had managed to clothe and feed her AND myself, and gotten ready for work and out the door by 8.25am! My reply?? ''Get a grip!'' The updates went on for a little while, amusing our mutual friends no doubt, and more importantly - amusing me!
So when I arrive home at 5pm, with dinner cooked, and husband busily folding clothes in the backroom, I have to stop myself from saying thank you. Why? Well, because I always used to say thank you, but over the last few months or so, have ceased this due to the fact that I don't get a ''thank you'' at the end of every week day. He returns home from work to a cooked meal, bathed and fed children, and a pretty much organised household! Although I know he appreciates it, there's no thank you. Just the same as he goes to work five days a week and earns a decent pay packet to make life easier - but I don't thank him for that either!
I'm wondering how many other mothers/wives out there feel almost obliged to say thank you to their husbands when they do things around the house un-prompted?

So my quote for the day - ''The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention''. ~Oscar Wilde. Just as I do everyday things that I know will make my husband happy, I'm hoping this was his intention too! Have a lovely day!

I don't cope....

So, I'm not perfect.....I know, you're shocked, as was I when I came to this very disturbing conclusion!

It has been a while coming, but this epiphany came to me this morning, whilst I was having a minor meltdown. My youngest little dot - Chloe - has been unwell probably half of her very short 14 months of life. And so the next cycle began yesterday, when it seems the antibiotics she finished two days prior had more than likely worn off, and the fever returned, as did the non-stop whinging and sadness. And to put it very bluntly - I'm not coping!

I know we all have things and circumstances we don't cope with - mine is sick children. I thank God every single day that I don't have a child so unwell they are in hospital, or god forbid, on their death bed. And this is how my random conversation number 5976 began today - in Coles of course!

The check out lady started off talking about how she is caring for her unwell and ageing parents, and it went on from there. But it also finished with the same sentiments as above. We should always think about how lucky we are, and that there is always going to be someone worse off than ourselves.

So I took my sicky little baby girl home for a sleep, and curled up on the lounge to watch The View. Enjoyed my one and a half hour's reprieve from crying and sadness, and then made sure I was smiling when my little cherub woke up - crying. Onwards and upwards I say.....specialist appointment made and more drugs purchased from my local pharmacy, who seems to be profiting very well from the sickness dwelling in this household!

Today's quote: ''You're only given what you can handle''.....from a friend many years ago, who professed this little beauty to me when I was struggling through the break up of my first marriage, and dealing with a man who still, to this day, gives me the absolute shits! I remember this little quote on a regular basis, and it always seems to get me through. Have a wonderful day! x

Playgroup

–noun
a group of small children, esp. preschoolers, organized for play or play activities and supervised by adult volunteers.

Hmmm....I think we've been doing it wrong? I thought I would look up the definition after another manic morning of playgroup - here at my house. For the past 11 years, I have taken part in various playgroups, and am happy to say, the mothers I have attended with have all had the same definition as myself:

-noun
a group of grown women, esp. mothers, organised for tea and coffee, whilst their children play unsupervised - as long as they are happy and quiet!

I wonder how many other play groups have the same definition? I mean, seriously, how many mothers join playgroup solely for their children to enjoy themselves? Some of the greatest friendships I have, have been made through playgroup. And they certainly didn't grow in to the beautiful relationships they are, bonding over glue and cellophane. It was the tea and coffee!

Yes, playgroup is great, because it's held at a centre where you don't have to worry about the mess, noise, and general mayhem. But it's also held so that like-minded mothers (parents) can sit back and ''relax'' whilst their children run wild. Love it!

Quote for the day - ''When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.'' ~Erma Bombeck. Found this little quote and found it quite appropriate! There is at least one day out of every week, where I would love to find that nice, safe playpen and just disappear for a little while! Have a great day!

Friends...love them

I have just returned home from a friend's five year old daughter's birthday party at MacDonalds! What a hoot! I don't know what it is about children's birthday parties that I most enjoy - the children having fun, or catching up with my friends? Gee, that was hard - I lurve catching up with my friends!

I have had a couple of my best friend's birthday in the last week, and have thoroughly enjoyed trawling through card shops trying to find the perfect birthday greeting for them. I stood in ''Wrappings'' last night with tears in my eyes, reading touching verses on beautifully decorated pieces of card. I could literally spend an hour looking for the perfect one, but as per usual, was dictated by time (or lack thereof) so did some speed reading and picked a card I kept gravitating back to! Last night's purchase was for the mum of today's birthday girl, so it was with much pleasure I handed it over, with a gorgeous little magnet featuring a photo of a cheeky little girl with the words ''Love ya!'' on it. It is a greeting I use in all forms - written and spoken word, on a regular basis.

I am so very lucky to have such a wonderful and diverse group of friends in my life. The birthday girl of the moment, is a beautiful soul I met when I first moved to Melbourne 19 years ago. We were in year 10, and she has been an important person in my life ever since. She has been there through every good and bad time, as well as some pretty hilarious ones!

Another very wise friend of mine, whom I met through first mother's group, said to me one day ''friendships evolve'', and I couldn't have ever imagined she would be so right! I do not have just one 'best friend', but many, who all have different and wonderful qualities which make them all uniquely special. Some friendships have mellowed with age (funnily enough, we haven't though) and others are just getting better and better. My Mother has always said to me that I am extremely lucky to have some long lasting and enduring friendships. I am still very close with a handful of girls I met in grade one, and hope to keep it that way til the end of my days.

Today has brought me much happiness, because I could sit back with three very beautiful friends, and watch as our children laughed (and cried) whilst still managing to get a good gossip and catch up in also! I think my Mum was right - I am very lucky.

Quote for today - ''A girlfriend is a sister you choose''.......so very true, I have so many sisters.