Checking In

I feel like I've haven't posted for AGES.  But, in reality, it's only been a few days.  Go figure.  I think the reason I feel like this, is that I haven't posted "personally" as such for a long time?  Well, here's a catch up on what's been happening in this corner of the world for the past few months.....

My kids are growing up.  Like, seriously growing up, and out, and around.  We've celebrated a couple of birthdays..... Cadyn's cricket cake was a hit, and Chloe had a Rainbow themed party for her 5th birthday - and it was an absolute blast!

My biggest boy had his Confirmation.  Seeing him look so smart in his "proper" trousers, a dress shirt and tie almost killed me!  He's so grown up!

And Ms Chelsea?  Well, she is finding a style all on her own!  At ten years of age, she is able to walk out of the house in some "interesting" fashion choices, and works them like nobody's business!  Although her mood swings and delightful eye-rolling are driving us all insane, she is certainly growing up to be a fabulous individual.

Apart from the kids, I have been kept busy with work and a little bit of play.  I'm over my strange little bout of mystery illness that saw me spend a couple of days sitting in hospital, but still curious to find out what on earth caused it.  My husband has put money on stress......

And yes, I have been stressed.  I've been going through a - up til now- rather private battle.  A battle with the much maligned mental illness.  Not my own, but my sister's.  I've said before that it's not my story to tell, however, this past few months have given me my own story - one of a sibling struggling to keep their head above water, whilst paddling relentlessly, and not getting anywhere fast.

I am almost consumed by the need to help my darling sister and her beautiful little family.  I just want things to be better.  To be calm.  But I'm finding it's a battle that just isn't there for me to win.  It's something that yes, I can help to facilitate, but no - I can't fix it.  And that's hard to swallow.....

But on a brighter note......I thank my husband every. single. day.  Many years ago, he told me I needed a hobby.  My interests at that time were relegated to sitting on the lounge watching Oprah and Dr Phil, whilst wrangling multiple young children and a part time job.  The need for library bags and art smocks, when my Chelsea girl was starting primary school, has literally saved my sanity.  It was the beginning of a hobby that had been in hiding for almost 20 years.  I grew up watching my Mum sew.  Day and night.  It was her day job (she worked for many years in the wardrobe department at Dreamworld!), but it was also (and still is) her beloved hobby.

Library bags and smocks lead to frills and frocks.  The frills and frocks lead to quilts.  And the quilts have now lead me to a place of sheer bliss.  Sewing, and quilting, is my saving grace.  It's the place I go to when I need clarity.  When I need to just sit and chill - and the only worry I have is fabric placement and thread choices.

So thank you dear husband.  For the hobby that you told me I needed.  And the hobby I asked you the other night whether you regretted I had?  Your answer was perfect.....

"If it makes you happy"

***  P.S.  To all of the wonderful people who have left comments on my last few posts - I truly appreciate you taking the time to give me your encouragement and cheer me on in my sewing and quilting efforts! I literally have not had time to sit down and reply to all of you - so please forgive me!  I shall be back to replying asap. xxxx

A Tale of Two Dresses

Every day, I receive a gazillion emails in my inbox.  They vary from the all important special sales online to recent blog posts from my faves.  Every now and then, there will also be an actual typed email from someone I know!  But, a few weeks ago I got an email telling me about a new pattern........and I kept that email because I loved the look of the dress, but had SO lost my passion for dressmaking that I didn't know if I would buy it, let alone make it.  

Fast forward to earlier last week.  I had some free time.  That does not happen very often.  I wandered in to Lincraft in the morning to get some denim for a new bag - only to find out that ALL of their fabric was half price!  BINGO!  So not only did I get denim, but I also found a couple of gorgeous lightweight cotton prints that would be nice for dresses.  It was right about then that my plans for bag making flew out the window.....

At around 2.30 in the afternoon, I started two dresses for my girls.  Not only are my daughters five and a half (the half matters you know) years apart in age - they are also poles apart in dress sense.  Miss almost five year old Chloe is a princess/barbie loving girly girl.  And Miss I'M TEN! Chelsea is trying to decide whether she is a high fashion supermodel or a beanie wearing goth....... Soooooo, here is the tale of the two dresses......in photos.......

Not so special just hanging around!

I finished both dresses around 8pm that night!  Hence the dodgy iPhone pics of the girls!

I guess I wanted to show you how different a dress can not only look on the hanger, compared to wearing, but also in the use of different prints and fabrics!  The little version (actually, it is TOO little - the sizing on this pattern was a tad small, so I've bought more of the bloom fabric to make her a bigger size - dress anyone??) is a poplin bordered print.  Perfect for this style of dress!  The bigger version (which falls beautifully below the hips - perfect sizing) is a lovely soft voile.  It's the first time I have sewn with voile, and it was great to work with!

Needless to say, both girls loved their dresses!  Now we just need the weather to switch over to Spring and they will be able to contemplate wearing them!

If you like this pattern, you can purchase it HERE.  It was pretty damn easy to follow, and the finish is neat and tidy.  There are also some beautiful options to change the look of the dresses.  I will certainly be making many more of them.

Have you tried any new patterns lately?  Sharing is caring!

xxx

PS - Have you entered my GIVEAWAY yet?

Where I'm At - A Little Old Mental Health Check In

As I sat down this afternoon, to finish off some Ms Midge orders, I felt really bad.  I felt bad because usually I have a reasonably quick turn around on orders.  Most of the time I let customers know that it will be around two weeks from order to delivery, and I can generally get orders sorted within a week - just to surprise everyone!  But lately, things have been very slow, and for that I feel like I need to give a little bit of an explanation.

Sure, the heatwave here in Melbourne set me back a bit.  Our new house does not have air conditioning downstairs, which in turn means sewing in my little room starts resembling an episode of a fitness program - with sweat in places I don't like to sweat!  

But I have also been dealing with some other time and mind consuming issues.

I've mentioned briefly in past posts that my gorgeous sister has a mental illness, and although I don't tend to bang on about it (because hey, let's face it, it's her story to tell, not mine), there are times I would like to shout from the roof tops.  Scream to anyone who will listen.  Instead, I tend to internalise things.

What I will say is that being the only child of three who doesn't have a mental illness, is not as easy as you would think.  For me, it has been heart breaking, frustrating, infuriating, sad, confusing and mind boggling.  There were times when I couldn't be around my sister.  I had to separate myself, as a way of protecting myself.  Because I would get so overwhelmed by what she was going through, that it would inadvertently bring me to my knees, which would then affect my own family.  I have explained this to her, and thankfully, she gets it.

I try to understand.  I try to put myself in her shoes.  But I can't.  A few weeks ago, I went and saw "Silver Linings Playbook" at the cinema.  I had no idea what it was about, until after I had bought the tickets.  I cried on and off throughout the film, and then sobbed the whole drive home. And afterwards I dropped past to see my sister, to let her know that I'm trying my hardest to understand and to learn more about her mental illness - but regardless of my lack of understanding (because I don't think anyone can truly understand unless they themselves have a mental illness) I would ALWAYS HAVE HER BACK......

Which brings me to the here and now.  I'm currently advocating for my sister.  I'm making calls, sending emails and sitting in meetings with her.  I'm speaking for her, when she can't speak for herself.  And I'm crying with her.  Crying for her.  Crying all the time.  If I had collected all the tears I have shed these past few years, I could break droughts.

What I want most right now is for others to see what I see.  To see the amazing person who has been flattened by her demons.  To see that although on the outside, she portrays to the world a wild, whacky and weird woman - on the inside, she is fragile, determined, a little bit broken and a little bit weird, but most of all she is WONDERFUL.  And to see that she needs help, support, love and understanding - not judgement.

What I want you to know is that people with mental illnesses have families, they have people who care for them, advocate for them and are frightened for them.

I'm struggling a bit to keep my head above water.  I have diagnosed myself with "sad-sack-itis" - something I find myself dealing with when I'm dealing with too much other "stuff".  So the Ms Midge sewing has taken a bit of a back seat these past few weeks, and will probably unfortunately remain there for a little bit longer.  I haven't forgotten about my lovely customers!  I HAVE ordered some beautiful Autumn/Winter fabrics with the hopes of making lots of yummy warm outfits for your littlies!  And I will be listing them for custom orders in small quantities.  There will be no mass production lines or mini collections like I used to churn out!  I'm hoping you will stick around and see what I can produce!

A special BIG thank you to those of you who have ordered this past month and have been very patient and understanding.  I really do appreciate it!

Soooooo..........onwards and upwards!  I'm hoping that by sharing this little piece of me, it will help lift a bit of the burden I'm carrying, and lift the old sad-sack-itis far far away!

xxx

Chapters of 2012

Just when you think you're drained, something else happens and it starts all over again.  Yesterday was a taxing day, the end to a taxing week.  I thought by the time I had finally gone to sleep last night, I'd shed some good tears, and had a good de-brief with my husband, so today would be the start of another week.  Fail.

This morning brought a phone call.  I had just bought a few plants and was madly trying to plant them before Chloe's dentist appt when it started raining.  So I jumped in the car and saw I had a missed call - from my Dad.  Strange.  I called him straight back and then came the beginning of the next chapter of the tale that is 2012.

Dad has had what they think is a heart attack - on Sunday.  He's been in hospital since then, but thought he'd wait til he found out what was going on before letting me know.  Thoughtful yes?  Anyway, turns out the old man's heart is blocked to within an inch of life and he now requires triple bypass surgery.  I sat in the driver's seat of my car whilst his lady friend filled me in on what had been happening.  There are some if's and but's, because you see, Dad has been a heavy smoker for some 50 odd years.  And he also has a lot of chest congestion, which does not make him the prime candidate for serious kick arse surgery.  So it's a little old waiting game. 

I was very brave, I uttered a few "ah-huh's" and a couple of "okay's", but I really just wanted to cry.  My Dad is sitting in a hospital 1345 kilometres away (yes I did just google that statistic!) waiting for a thumbs up, or down, to surgery.  All three of his children are interstate.  And his lady friend tells me that if he has the surgery, he will need full time care for two weeks afterwards - translated to: Your Dad needs you.

I tried calling my sister.  No luck.  I rang my Mum, who hasn't been married to my Dad for over 25 years, and told her to call my brother.  And then I just got on with it.  I got on with cancelling his flights down here in October, that I only booked last week.  I rang Andrew and filled him in.  I began the mind boggling task of working out how on earth I would be able to drop everything here and relocate to The Gold Coast for a week or so?

My sister called me back.  We came up with a plan.  I cried and gave her a serve for being a smoker.  I cried and told her that my family were all going to die because they make stupid choices and that I will be left all alone.  I went to a funeral exactly one week ago for a beautiful woman who died basically from smoking.  It was very close to home.  I cried and told her I was sick of having unreliable siblings.  And she apologised.  And we laughed.

My brother called back.  He agreed to the plan but won't be an active participant because he can't leave the state at present.  I'll leave that with you to put two and two together.  But he did offer to listen to me when I was balling my eyes out.

I called Dad back.  Relayed our plan to him.  Assured him that if and when he has surgery, I will fly up there, rent an apartment (Nope, I won't be caring for him in his caravan!) and care for him and then my sister will fly up and we'll play tag team so she can take the second half of the job.  I think he was a tad speechless.  But very grateful.

I only re-connected with my Dad about nine years ago, which I sort of wrote about HERE.  I'm just a little bit worried that things may not go well and I will once again, be Father-less.

I'm TRYING to be positive!  And I'm ever so grateful for an amazing bunch of human beings who just happen to be my friends for sending me wonderful little messages of support!  Including this little gem....

I know I'm a lucky girl.  But sometimes, just sometimes, I would like some time to breath between chapters.  Just a little.

Oh Brother

I have a brother.  This is a fact that is quite easily forgotten by many and will more than likely be news to others.  In fact, I was telling a workmate today about this drafted post and she was rather intrigued about this brother she had not heard of - we have been working together for years.  He is my younger brother by three years.  So a little brother to two big sisters.  When those who know I have a brother, ask me about him, the general reply is "I have no idea where he is at the moment, or what he is doing".  And that's the truth.

He called me the other day.  I don't think I had heard from him in about a year, so it was a pleasant surprise.  I never know when it is him calling, because I don't have a saved phone number for him in my phone.  Every time I save his number, it is superseded by a new number - so what's the point?  Anyway, I digress.  My Mum had told me he'd found a place to live, which is great.  I told her to tell him that we had a garage full of stuff we didn't want, including a fridge, that he was welcome to - hence the phone call.

Yesterday morning rolled around, and my "little" brother arrived in a white van, ready to fill it.  We got to work and within five minutes, he had a fridge, coffee table and two book shelves.  I threw in an oil heater for free!  Oh hang on, it was all free!  He was stoked.  As we stood in the drizzling rain, chatting, I couldn't help but stare at this man, and wonder who he really was?  How did it happen that in 34 years of knowing this guy, I really didn't know him?  I stared at his features, and recognised the freckles and the shape of his face.  But what I missed was the sparkle in his eyes.  He used to have the most beautiful blue/grey eyes, and now they are dull.  It makes me sad.

I have two siblings - I am the middle child - and both of them could not be any more chalk to my cheese.  We have all lived extremely different lives, the result of many circumstances, however mostly of choice.  I describe myself as "the white sheep" of the family.  For I, in many ways, am the odd one out.

Growing up, I never would have dreamt the three of us would lead the different and varied lives we have.  But it is my normal.  I have an older sister whom I have only become close to in the past five to ten years.  By close I mean we live in neighbouring suburbs, and when we do chat on the odd occasion, it's usually quite lengthy and deep.  I am fiercely protective of her.  And I have a younger brother I share nothing in common with, except that we come from the same DNA, and that despite everything, we still say "Love you" at the end of each out of blue phone call.

Families are very funny things.  We are only three siblings, and all are so completely different.  I know this is not a rare occurrence.  I know each and every family has its differences, it's strange dynamics.  But I also know that I have learnt not to dwell on them.  It is what it is.  And it's probably not as strange as I used to think it was!

So for now, I'll be happy for a half emptied garage, a quick chat and the knowledge that he has a roof over his head and a fridge to keep his milk cold.  No expectations means no disappointment yes?

Do you have siblings?  And what is your Normal?

Since When?

Since when did I become OLD???  A couple of things have occurred in my life just recently to beg the question.

Exhibit A:

I now sport an Lily Munster-inspired grey silver stripe in my hair!!  Since when did my hair colour NOT cover it??  I need a word with my hairdresser.....  And my Mother, whom I believe sports the same fashion statement......

Exhibit B:

I have a bevy of medications and supplements to supplement my breakfast.  This makes me think of my grandparents, and watching them, as a child, line up their tablets next to their cereal bowls.  Oh dear....

Whenever we made the trip to Port Macquarie to visit my grandparents, my sister and I would share one of the spare bedrooms.  With its springy mattresses and beautiful timber bedheads, divine old wardrobes and dozens of clocks (my Pop made grandfather clocks), we would settle in for our stay. 

Each and every morning, my Poppy would totter in to their bedroom with a pot of tea for my Grandma.  He was besotted with her til the day he died, and vice versa.  This memory brings a smile to my face.  He would also give her a hug and kiss, and every now and then - a gentle little grab of her behind!

These memories give me hope - hope that even when I AM OLD, I will still be young at heart!

Anything making you feel old?  Do you have memories of oldies to light up your face?

My Easter Sunday.....

Happy Easter.  Happy Birthday.  Happy Me.  Sorta......

Today marks the 37th year I have been on the earth.  And surprisingly, that was not so hard to write.  As I edge closer to the big 4....0..... I find myself gasping for air.  And it's not actually until I wrote that, I realised maybe that has something to do with how I am feeling today.  Rather ho-hum.  It certainly doesn't help having to share your birthday with a friggin bunny!  But them's the breaks......

A lovely friend of mine Ms Gemma over at Pretty Bobbins asked a question a little earlier.  "Do your kids really believe in Easter?"  Hmmmm...... I shared with her that I asked the same thing of my husband last night.  Ms Chelsea will be nine years old next month, and she is an intelligent human being.  As we were gnawing on a carrot and delicately rearranging the kid's notes to the bunny whilst tipping out the milk they had left, I questioned how such an intelligent little girl hadn't cottoned on to the Bunny yet?  I mean, how on earth does a bunny manage to spread foil wrapped chocolate eggs oh so precariously through our front yard?  How does the same bunny manage to leave presents inside on the coffee table for them too?  Really?

I cannot for the life of me remember when I stopped believing.  I do recall us kids getting caught out one year, finding Mum's stash of Christmas presents in her walk in wardrobe.  In my defence, my older sister found them, and encouraged made me participate in the pulling them out part.  I think we were told Christmas would not be happening that year!  But it did....

I also can't remember when Lochie stopped believing.  Is that bad?  He is only 13, so surely it was only a few years ago that he worked it out?  My memory is failing......is that part of getting old?

I have been feeling guilty the past week, about my lack of interest in Easter.  My lack of enthusiasm for Easter craft, Easter cooking, Easter anything.  I stashed all the easter eggs outside in the hood of the pram that sits on our front step, so that when I was woken for the third time overnight, at 6am, I could just go out like some crazed, pyjama-wearing, easter egg throwing Mother.  Then crawled back in to bed.

Once the kids were awake, and had ceased trying to be quiet, I opened my eyes to feel the familiar thumping in my head, accompanied by the blurred vision.  Fabulous.  Migraine.  Happy Birthday to me!  I followed it up by standing in my front yard, eyes squinted whilst feigning my excitement about kids crawling under plants to discover eggs.  Note to self - open eyes at 6am when throwing easter eggs in the dark!

I sound rather bah-humbug don't I?  Things have brightened a little.  I took my sad-ass to the shopping centre and punished myself with a 40 minutes chinese massage.  That dude found every single sore spot that existed.  Or perhaps I am just a walking sore spot?  Purchased some pharmaceutical supplies and then called for the husband to bring the kids and meet me for lunch.  The haze has lifted, and I may even laugh at some stage today!  Oh sorry, I did laugh - when I received text messages from Andrew telling me Chelsea was begging for a kitten.  Very frickin funny....

So - back to Easter.  We now have a kitchen full of chocolate, and no more mention of the bunny.  And nobody has asked what happened to Jesus today.  How do you celebrate Easter, if you do?  And what does it mean to you?

Happy Easter!

Random instagram photos taken whilst out to my birthday lunch.  Minus one child!

Today's post is brought to You by the letter E

E for Emotion.

Emotion is something I feel a lot of.  All the time.  And today has been a roller coaster of emotions.  

From my beautiful catch up with one of my besties this morning, talking about our kids 

and the issues we face.  TEARS.  

The frustration with Ms Chloe as she relentlessly seeks out food because she is hungry.  GRUMPY.  

The annoyance whilst spending over ONE HOUR to vacuum my house. STUFFED.  

The amusement that people take pot shots at each other on Facebook.  Every day I see this, and still - LAUGHTER.  

And the joy at seeing Ms Chloe following my Dad around like his new best friend.  HOORAY!

There were added bonus emotions thrown in, just to mix it up.  But they're not even worth mentioning.  I don't have time.  I can't be bothered.   I give myself a hard time over all the things I could be doing better.  How I could be a better MUM.  A better WIFE.  A better SISTER and DAUGHTER.  

What I DO know - I'm doing my BEST.  And to the people who matter, that is good enough.  

We women give ourselves a bad rap at times.  

Must stop.....