Happy New Year - Reflections on 2014

Welcome to 2015!  Crazy isn't it?  I feel like last year went past in a blur and I'm left sitting here, in the first week of January, wondering what happened?  I did sit down before Christmas and update my Quilting Projects for 2014 page on the blog, so if you want to see the 18 quilts and some of the other goodies I made, head over HERE.

We have had a lovely break over Christmas, heading up to The Murray River for five days of relaxation with friends...

Yarrawonga at dusk.

The Murray at work.....

I spent a fair bit of time lately wondering where I was going to let 2015 take me?  Because I feel like 2014 was quite crazy, and I didn't plan things well, and I guess that's how I ended up stressed out and somehow contracting the RASH FROM HELL!  In the lead up to the skin virus, I'd had cysts on my eye, mouth full of ulcers and was literally just run down.  I am making a concerted effort NOT to let life get the better of me this year, starting with looking after myself.  This began with lovely 10km walks with one of my best friends whilst on holidays, and I'm happy to say, has continued since returning home - with daily 6km walks around our local area.  I've also started taking a bunch of vitamins and supplements too.  Which I suck at remembering to do, but am trying!

I turned my sewing machine on a couple of days ago, for the first time since just before Christmas.  I had my December bee block to get done, and was happy to tick that off my remaining things to do.  But as I sat in my little sewing room, I wondered what to do next?  I have so much "stuff" in that room - fabric, notions, wip's, finished quilts, blah blah blah.  And it's all a little overwhelming.  I've said before that I am not a "list" kind of girl, but I'm thinking I really need to write down what I want to achieve.  I read Angie's Must Make List for 2015 yesterday, and felt compelled to make one for myself.  But still haven't!

So, where does that leave me?  Lots of babbling and no real plan.  My quilty new year's resolution (which I shared in the current issue of Make Modern magazine) is to slow down.  Stop rushing around, and rushing in to projects.  This is easier said than done - for me - as it's how I naturally go about life.  But these are just a few things I've signed up for this year, and have plans to do.....

**  Artistic Licence Bee with Melbourne MQG (January is my month!)

**  Aussie Charm Swaps - I hope to run at least four this year.  The first one is in planning stages,   and I've opened a FB Group for all interested.  So if you're an Aussie or Kiwi, feel free to join.

**  Hazel Hedgehog QAL with Gnome Angel

**  Charm Dash Blog Hop - Coming in March, so get our your charm packs!

**  Write up pattern for Confetti Cannon and decide how/where to publish/sell it

**  The Bee Hive with Blossom Heart Quilts - Get all the details HERE.  My month is November!

**  Make 3 more 40th quilts for my BFF's - and maybe fit one in for myself!

**  Continue writing my column for Make Modern magazine

On top of all of the above, I have a few custom order quilts already being planned and would really like to build my Aurifil business up.

Phew.  I guess I've just started a list!?!

Right.  Back to sewing.  I've just pulled this out of my WIP pile.....

It is my favourite WIP from 2014, and I want to get it finished.  So that's my starting point for this year.....wish me luck!

Sunday Stash - The Magazine Edition

A few years back, a friend's Mum de-stashed a huge amount of sewing goods.  Part of that stash was a big old pile of quilting magazines.  At the time, I was not a quilter, so had absolutely no use whatsoever for them!  A lady from an online sewing group came past and picked them all up happily.  Then, once she found out I was quilting, she dropped a bunch back in to me.....

Where they have happily sat atop my shelves in my sewing room.  Without being opened.  Ummmmm.......

So why am I telling you all of this?  Wellllllll.......... Something very exciting is happening in the quilting world, and I just happen to be playing a part in it.  You see, the first and only Australian online quilting magazine will be released tomorrow!!  And I was asked if I would like to be a contributor!  Ahhhhh, yeh!!!

Make Modern is - well, let them tell you what they are:

MAKE MODERN: An online quilt magazine for quilters, by quilters.

We strive to inspire, motivate and enable quilters around the world! The Make Modern team is passionate about modern quilting and sewing - and we know we're not alone in this. So if you're looking for your next project (despite the fact you may have 15 projects already on the go), then you have come to the right place. Our magazine has projects for those new to sewing, as well as advanced projects for those sewists looking for a challenge. Let us unite in our love of cutting up perfectly good fabric and sewing it back together again!

Let's Make Modern.

Doesn't that sound perfect?

So I decided on my project, completed it and sent some delightful photos to the team.  Just so excited to be a part of something so fabulous, and it turns out they liked my project so much - they asked if they could feature it on THE COVER!!!  Whattttt????

Needless to say, I answered with a resounding YES.  I was so excited, I nearly wet my pants when they released the cover photo last week.

The Make Modern team released a preview of the magazine today, to entice you with its fabulousness before it's big debut tomorrow.  You can check it out HERE.

Now, given I have just confessed to NOT reading quilting magazines (OK, I bought one a few weeks ago, and actually read it from cover to cover. But it was because I had a little spot in it with artist trading cards!) why would I be gushing about a quilting magazine and telling you all how much I love it?  Well, I'm an "online quilter".  I have learnt to quilt through the online community.  I share my quilting through this here blog.  I spend a hell of a lot of my time online.  It is only fitting that my first magazine feature and quilt pattern would be in an online magazine!  Yes?  

As you can tell, by all of my babble, I am incredibly excited.  I am incredibly proud.  And I am incredibly terrified!  There are so many amazing and talented artists in the first edition, you HAVE to get yourself a copy and share in the excitement.

Make Modern have a wonderful Blog Hop lined up to celebrate the release, and I will be sharing more about my quilt and the pattern with you on the 23rd of September.  Be sure to subscribe to their newsletter, so you can stay up to speed with all things MM.

And just because I love you all so much - here's a little out take from the photo shoot I did.  This gorgeous girl was ever SO helpful during the process ;)

I'm linking up - You can too!

Wee Wander Finish & A Little Deep & Meaningful

It's taken me a couple of weeks to get around to binding this baby, but today was the day!  I ended up getting some blue Robert Kaufman dots that co-ordinated perfectly with Wee Wander and frames this little quilt beautifully.

I got very motivated this afternoon after finishing it, and raided Chloe's bedroom for some baby-ish props for my little photo shoot!  Although this quilt started out as "just a quilt", after I had quilted it - my feathers/leaves/whatever they are - I thought it would be a good idea to add a hanging sleeve on the back, so that when the owner had finished using it for their baby, they could hang it on the nursery wall.  I was SOOO thrilled with how it looks on a wall!

If you had of told me a month ago I'd have a quilt with this sort of quilting on it, I would have laughed at you!  I'm really, really proud of myself for giving that feather business a crack, and will do it again!

I used my trusty Ikea numbers fabric for the backing, which shows the quilting beautifully.   Aurifil #2024 50wt was used to piece and free motion quilt.  This little 32" square quilt is the perfect size for a bassinet or pram quilt.  Or even as a little play mat - oh so versatile!

The idea for this little piece of loveliness came when The Handmade Library announced they were holding a Collaboration market.  The lovely Melisa from "Melisa Jane" joined up with me and after much indecision, we finally agreed on making a Wee Wander baby set.  Melisa has made THE MOST awesome nappy bag (Diaper bag for those in the US) I have ever seen!  Looky looky......

Both of these items will be available to purchase as a set on the 7th of May over at The Handmade Library.  Pricing and further information will be available soon!

Now, whilst I have your attention - I told Gemma from Pretty Bobbins that if I got off my lazy bum this evening and made it upstairs I would try and post a little reply to link up with her discussion over at I Quilt tonight.  So, here goes.....

Gemma asked us to share our successes related to our passions.  I'm taking a big gulp and going for it.....

1.  Being able to spend a couple of days each week to do whatever I please, which inevitably means sewing.  I had kids here at home with me for 15 years, so now they're all at school, I quite happily utilise the time for things I want to do.

2.  Learning to quilt mostly through online means.  I have asked hundreds of questions online, whether it be in FB sewing groups or direct chatting to my quilt friends - I have been so very grateful for each answer I have been given!

3.  I have sold a number of quilts to customers now!  I'm able to name my price and know that they are worth it.  And when customers say they want to buy something I've made, I'm ALWAYS thrilled to think they appreciate the time I've put in to my work.

4.  I've slowly but surely changed the direction of my little business over the past year.  Ms Midge started off making children's wear and now I've incorporated cushions, quilts and bags in to my repertoire - and my customers are still there!  Some of the same customers who have bought their children's clothing from me are now purchasing quilts.  I love that!

5.  Opening my inbox every day and finding emails from you guys - the fact that you take the time to comment on my blog posts and encourage me on a regular basis is fabulous!

6.  Friends.  I have met soooo many wonderful human beings through this quilty gig, and I wouldn't be without them.  I have always valued friendship very highly in terms of my success as a human being - so I feel pretty damn successful these days!

So there you have it.  It's now 11pm and my eyes are hanging out of my head - but a promise is a promise Gem!  Every now and then, when I'm rambling excitedly to my husband about how I got an email from this famous quilter, or I received a gift from another famous quilter he'll say "that's great, now you have to work out how to make money from this blogging business".  I always laugh at him, and tell him it's not about the money.  And it's not.  I agree whole heartedly with Gemma on that one.  Success is a feeling - not a bank balance.

Peace out.

I'm linking up - You can too!

A Cushion Confession

If you've been around here a while, you would know I am somewhat a fan of the quilted cushion.  It is my "go to" gift for anyone and everyone.  Birthday?  Have a cushion!  Christmas?  Have a cushion!  Wedding?  Have a cushion!  They are a bright little spark of instant gratification.  Today was one of those days.  We have so many celebrations coming up, and amongst them are a couple of first birthdays.  So I decided I would make both these littlies a personalised cushion.  I popped over to Quiet Play and purchased a couple of gorgeous patterns, and jumped in to the first one today......

I absolutely ADORE this bunting and birdy pattern!  SOOOOOOO easy to put together!  Once I had the paper piecing done, I made the cushion front the right size, basted it and got my free motion quilting on.  Whilst swirling myself silly, I realised just how much I love the freedom you get with FMQ.  And I came to a little old conclusion - the last few quilts I've made, I've found it very difficult to free motion quilt them.  And by that, I mean I just can't FMQ a complete quilt top.  I start, and then unpick because it's just not how I want it to look.  And then I chicken out and just straight line the main part of it, and FMQ around the borders.  It's rather frustrating!  BUT - I find my body thanks me for it.  Regardless, I really, really want to get my FMQ mojo back!  I remember how accomplished I felt when I finished my Flying by the seat of my pants quilt.  I was so utterly impressed with myself!  I want to feel like that again.  And I realise now that the reason I haven't finished my Star-Crossed quilt, is because I know I want to free motion it, but am yet to find that mojo.......  Send me some mojo people!

Back to this cushion........  I used beautiful baby pink Aurifil #2410 to free motion all the swirls around the pieced sections.  And a little bit of Coral Aurifil to embellish this little birdy with some feathers!

For the name and date, I used a variegated pink Aurifil #3660, and just lightly wrote the name with a pink marker first, before free motion quilting it.

And the backing has used up these two gorgeous prints that were originally bought and utilised for this same little girl's cot quilt I made for her when she was still in utero!  It feels like a lifetime ago, but I made this quilt only just over a year ago!

More photos of Kissing Fish Quilt HERE.

Soooooo........ That's another project to tick off my list.  Would you believe I have no power all day tomorrow?!?!?!!?  And it's not a work day.  Seriously bummed!  So it will be head down, sewing machine on this weekend.

I'm linking up - You can too!

The Hard to Part with Gift!

Do you ever make something for someone, a gift, and once you've finished look at it and think "I can't give it away"?!?!!?  Yep, thought so.  I KNOW I'm not alone.  I KNOW that we've all done it.  Which makes me feel somewhat normal.

So yesterday I needed to make a gift for one of my nieces.  I stood in front of my fabric shelves and tried to decide which ones to use.  The gorgeous Ruby turned 10 yesterday!  10!!  It's that age where girls start moving towards being a little more grown up.  A little less cutesy.  A little more - well, older.  So I wanted to make something that would grow with her and she would still hopefully love in to her teens and twenties.  I spotted a little pile of charm size squares.  They had been sitting on said shelf for probably a good 12 months, waiting for the right project.  This was it!  I've been wracking my brain since then, trying to recall who gifted these beautiful squares to me, but still can't remember.

Anyway, they were perfect.  PERFECT.  There were 15 squares, so when I found the perfect print for the back, I cut out a square of that to add to the front.  This type of cushion is THE EASIEST kind.  Literally 16 x 5" squares, all sewn together with batting and some backing pinned together, and then quilted through.  Easy peasy.  The lovely Ros asked me a couple of weeks ago for some tips when it comes to lining up the seams on charm squares.  I can't remember exactly what I imparted, but here's what I do - I don't pin.  I sew with my needle down to stop and start.  When I start with two squares together, I sew about half an inch, then stop and match up my seams together just using my fingers, and with the seams going in opposite directions.  I hold the seams together until it goes under the needle.  The majority of the time, I end up with near perfect seam intersections :)

I adore this print.  The text is full of beautiful positive messages.

I think I need to head back to Spotlight where I bought it from and get me some more.  Don't you think it's perfect for a girl heading in to the double digits?

The colours burst from the fabric, so I chose the beautiful Aurifil #1100 hot pink to straight line quilt my way across the squares.

This delightful cushion took me just over an hour to make.  Another reason why it's so easy!  The difficult part came this morning when I had to wrap it up and send it off!  If anyone out there reading this recognises the fabric range/s, please feel free to share with me!  I think some of the prints look a little AMH, but I'm not sure!

I'm linking up - You can too!

Confession - A Christmas First

Yes, my dirty little secret is out...... I've never made Christmas decorations!  Shock, horror, gasp!  The closest I've gotten to making anything Christmas'y are my kids santa sacks - and they were very basic.  But it's ok, I've changed my ways - because on Saturday, I made a table runner!  A Christmas table runner!  Hoorah!

I bought some 1/4 yards of Hip Holiday a few months ago, because I wanted to attempt some Christmas goodies.  But what?  I started adding projects to my Pinterest board a while ago, but in the end, just made something up!  So here it is.....

Isn't she lovely?  So this is how I made it - I cut out a bunch of 4.5" squares, laid them all out on the floor, and worked out where I wanted my wonky star to be amongst it.  Once I had the layout sorted, I got to making the points for my wonky star, then popped them back in the layout (I use this tutorial if I ever need a refresher!).  I then got to sewing them all together in rows.  Once all the rows were done, I sewed all the rows together - Easy!  This took me probably all of an hour and a half to do!

Then came the really fun part - the quilting!  I sat and stared at the finished quilt top for a bit, trying to figure out how to quilt it.  I chose my go to Aurifil silver/grey #2605 in 50wt, whacked the walking foot on, and started straight lining it.  Basically straight down each and every seam - 1/4" out.  I went around the star also.

The walking foot came off, and the fmq foot went on!  I switched over to Aurifil #2024 - nice shimmery white.  I left the grey in my bobbin though - I don't do this often - don't ask me why!?  But because the backing on this was a plain white, I wanted to try letting the quilting really show.  I did some nice little swirls, which are almost the same as the swirls on silver in the fabric.

The back shows everything!

The other thing I tried for the FIRST TIME EVER - was burying my threads.  Now I had heard Gemma talking about burying threads before, but had no idea really what on earth it meant, but last week she explained it in her post HERE, and I thought "what the hell".  I was sick of worrying about my reverse stitch coming undone. So with nothing to lose, I started burying!  I LOVE the end result!  You can see on the photo of the back of this runner where I have reverse stitched before I started burying, no more reverse stitching for this little duck!!!!!  The burying of heads stitches was not half as tricky as I had imagined - quite simple really.  And it gives a far more professional end result.

So that my friends, is the latest in my quilting repertoire! Always learning, always learning.....

**This table runner is for sale over on my FB page HERE.

I'm linking up with I Quilt Linky Party & T.G.I.F.F. - OctoberQuest 2 - You can too!

Quilter's Block.......

Ever bought fabric with a grand plan and months later - that grand plan has withered away and you're left with a bunch of goodies and have no idea what to do with it?

I have.

Earlier this year, I bought a hard  yard bundle AND a FQ bundle of this delicious Dear Stella range "Cleo".  I bought so much of it because I wanted to make a queen size quilt as a gift for someone very special.  The colours and design of the fabric is perfect for the person in mind - BUT - 

I HAVE QUILTER'S BLOCK!!!!

I have trawled through Pinterest.  I have googled myself silly.  And today, I finally got them back out and stood in front of them, touched them and basically waited for an idea to jump out and smack me in the face.

BUT - it didn't.  I have one idea.  That's it.  And I'm not sold on it.....

Soooooo, in my desperation,  I'm literally throwing open the suggestion box - TO YOU.

What would YOU do with this bunch of gorgeousness?  And remember - it needs to be a BIG quilt!  Please, please - share any ideas you have with me!  And if you happen to think of something, and share it with me - you will go in the draw for a decent sized bag of my much loved SCRAPS!  All you have to do is comment on this post with how you would use CLEO in a quilt.

I'll leave the little giveaway aspect of this open for a week - so be sure to check back here next Monday evening (Melbourne time) to see if you have scraps heading your way!  And of course, whether I have been inspired by your ideas!

GO!

Checking In

I feel like I've haven't posted for AGES.  But, in reality, it's only been a few days.  Go figure.  I think the reason I feel like this, is that I haven't posted "personally" as such for a long time?  Well, here's a catch up on what's been happening in this corner of the world for the past few months.....

My kids are growing up.  Like, seriously growing up, and out, and around.  We've celebrated a couple of birthdays..... Cadyn's cricket cake was a hit, and Chloe had a Rainbow themed party for her 5th birthday - and it was an absolute blast!

My biggest boy had his Confirmation.  Seeing him look so smart in his "proper" trousers, a dress shirt and tie almost killed me!  He's so grown up!

And Ms Chelsea?  Well, she is finding a style all on her own!  At ten years of age, she is able to walk out of the house in some "interesting" fashion choices, and works them like nobody's business!  Although her mood swings and delightful eye-rolling are driving us all insane, she is certainly growing up to be a fabulous individual.

Apart from the kids, I have been kept busy with work and a little bit of play.  I'm over my strange little bout of mystery illness that saw me spend a couple of days sitting in hospital, but still curious to find out what on earth caused it.  My husband has put money on stress......

And yes, I have been stressed.  I've been going through a - up til now- rather private battle.  A battle with the much maligned mental illness.  Not my own, but my sister's.  I've said before that it's not my story to tell, however, this past few months have given me my own story - one of a sibling struggling to keep their head above water, whilst paddling relentlessly, and not getting anywhere fast.

I am almost consumed by the need to help my darling sister and her beautiful little family.  I just want things to be better.  To be calm.  But I'm finding it's a battle that just isn't there for me to win.  It's something that yes, I can help to facilitate, but no - I can't fix it.  And that's hard to swallow.....

But on a brighter note......I thank my husband every. single. day.  Many years ago, he told me I needed a hobby.  My interests at that time were relegated to sitting on the lounge watching Oprah and Dr Phil, whilst wrangling multiple young children and a part time job.  The need for library bags and art smocks, when my Chelsea girl was starting primary school, has literally saved my sanity.  It was the beginning of a hobby that had been in hiding for almost 20 years.  I grew up watching my Mum sew.  Day and night.  It was her day job (she worked for many years in the wardrobe department at Dreamworld!), but it was also (and still is) her beloved hobby.

Library bags and smocks lead to frills and frocks.  The frills and frocks lead to quilts.  And the quilts have now lead me to a place of sheer bliss.  Sewing, and quilting, is my saving grace.  It's the place I go to when I need clarity.  When I need to just sit and chill - and the only worry I have is fabric placement and thread choices.

So thank you dear husband.  For the hobby that you told me I needed.  And the hobby I asked you the other night whether you regretted I had?  Your answer was perfect.....

"If it makes you happy"

***  P.S.  To all of the wonderful people who have left comments on my last few posts - I truly appreciate you taking the time to give me your encouragement and cheer me on in my sewing and quilting efforts! I literally have not had time to sit down and reply to all of you - so please forgive me!  I shall be back to replying asap. xxxx

Who knew? Not me....

So I've been reading hysteria filled posts for months about the fact that Google Reader is closing down. As I read them, I thought "Hmmm, never heard of it" and wondered for a few seconds each time how I read my blog posts and why it wasn't on Google Reader??

Fast forward to a few days ago, when a lovely reader commented that they couldn't find my Bloglovin' follow button thingy, but added me anyway.  And press that fast forward button again to tonight when I finally mentioned said comment to my friend Alyce over at Blossom Heart Quilts.  She suggested that I should add the button for all the new Bloglovin' fashionistas, and to use her tutorial.  So I did.

And who knew?  Well, clearly not me - apparently all these years I HAVE been using Google Reader - in a round about fashion!  Yep, technologically challenged me figured out by signing up to Bloglovin' that when you follow all your blogs through your Blogger Dashboard, it does in fact link up with Google Reader.  Derrrrrrr.......  And I only found this out when I decided to give the "Import Blogs" button a crack.  And 334 blogs a following imported for me.  Ummmmm......

So here you have it friends - 

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

I'm working on adding the goddamn button!

xxxx

Sunday Stash #11 - I have a problem....

 You've probably already heard that right?  Well, I'm finally confessing to having a major problem with fabric.  Some may think the problem is that I have too much?  Others may think I don't have enough?  No, no - I'm running out of places to store my fabric!  You would think this would curb my fabric purchasing yes?  No.

I keep filling shopping carts of the online variety, but then remember that the international shipping rates have jumped considerably from the U.S. and I quickly empty the cart.  This makes me sad.  You see, fabric makes me happy.  There.  I said it.  Here is a very good example of how fabric fixes everything.....

Friday just gone, I had a funeral to attend.  It was for one of the most beautiful people I have ever had the privilege of knowing.  I also had the great job of being a carer for her for many years, but her failing health got the better of her, and she passed away quite peacefully around ten days ago.  So Friday was a very big celebration of her life.  It was one of the most gorgeous funerals I have been to.  Her family did a fabulous job of sharing the joy that Tess brought in to the world, for all 49 years she was here.  But as you would know, no matter how wonderful a celebration some funerals can be - they are also incredibly hard to get through, and you feel like you've been through a marathon.

Sooooo, on our way to the wake, my passenger spotted a lovely patchwork shop........  I could probably end the story here, because you probably know how it goes?  I'll tell you anyway!  My passenger just happened to be the same fabric enabler I worked with on Easter weekend, so when she suggested we stop there on the way home, I did not protest.

Patchwork on Central Park is a gorgeous little shop with an amazing range of fabric.  They have an extensive range of Liberty prints (which are always unfortunately out of my budget), lots of organic and Japanese fabric, and two whole walls of big name prints.  I nearly hyperventilated when I saw the sign "50% off for 1m+".  I tried to rationalise that I really did not need more yardage of fabrics.  And started pawing through the fq basket.  That was when I found a LouLouThai fq.  The end was nigh........

I headed straight over to the 50%off shelves and hit the jackpot!  One metre of LouLou left!  Mine!  And then not far away found that gorgeous Tula Pink print!  If you look really close, you will see they are snails.  Here's the punch line - with 50% off, they were $8.25 a metre!  Bingo!  I also grabbed those cute little fq's and fat 8th's.  $27 all up!

Unfortunately there is a reason behind this store selling off all this fabric.  The lovely lady who served us said that the online fabric stores are killing their business.  Which I completely understand.  I really do wish that the import taxes were not so high for Aussies, so they could sell their fabrics at a much cheaper retail price.

Anyway, if you're in Malvern East, Melbourne - pop in and see them!

I took the kids away for a couple of days last week and returned to find this little parcel of Japanese goodness.  I purchased a scrap pack and some fat 8th's from Alyce over at Blossom Heart Quilts!

And today?  Well, I popped back in to Spotlight.  Stupid.  I only went to get some off white homespun.  You see, I've signed up to take part in my first Quilt Along.  It's the Bloom Bloom Pow! quilt along with Freshly Pieced.  I have been giving myself plenty of grief trying to decide which fabrics to use for the quilt, as I didn't have the money at the time to purchase the fabric packs Lee is using.  I've changed my mind several times, but "think" I'm going to use a couple of fq packs of Art Gallery fabrics.  Anyway, their background colour is off white, hence my trip.  Whilst standing at the counter (with the off white and four other bolts whoops) I thought I'd check if I needed anything else for the QAL.  Turns out Lee suggests using a 60 degree triangle ruler.  So I went and found one (25% off yeh!) and grabbed that too.  I seriously have no idea what to do with that baby - but am looking forward to learning something new!

And that is it.  Again.  The good news about this new problem I have?  Well, I think I'm going to destash a whole range of fabrics.  Stay tuned!

I'm linking up with Sunday Stash at Finding Fifth!

Where I'm At - A Little Old Mental Health Check In

As I sat down this afternoon, to finish off some Ms Midge orders, I felt really bad.  I felt bad because usually I have a reasonably quick turn around on orders.  Most of the time I let customers know that it will be around two weeks from order to delivery, and I can generally get orders sorted within a week - just to surprise everyone!  But lately, things have been very slow, and for that I feel like I need to give a little bit of an explanation.

Sure, the heatwave here in Melbourne set me back a bit.  Our new house does not have air conditioning downstairs, which in turn means sewing in my little room starts resembling an episode of a fitness program - with sweat in places I don't like to sweat!  

But I have also been dealing with some other time and mind consuming issues.

I've mentioned briefly in past posts that my gorgeous sister has a mental illness, and although I don't tend to bang on about it (because hey, let's face it, it's her story to tell, not mine), there are times I would like to shout from the roof tops.  Scream to anyone who will listen.  Instead, I tend to internalise things.

What I will say is that being the only child of three who doesn't have a mental illness, is not as easy as you would think.  For me, it has been heart breaking, frustrating, infuriating, sad, confusing and mind boggling.  There were times when I couldn't be around my sister.  I had to separate myself, as a way of protecting myself.  Because I would get so overwhelmed by what she was going through, that it would inadvertently bring me to my knees, which would then affect my own family.  I have explained this to her, and thankfully, she gets it.

I try to understand.  I try to put myself in her shoes.  But I can't.  A few weeks ago, I went and saw "Silver Linings Playbook" at the cinema.  I had no idea what it was about, until after I had bought the tickets.  I cried on and off throughout the film, and then sobbed the whole drive home. And afterwards I dropped past to see my sister, to let her know that I'm trying my hardest to understand and to learn more about her mental illness - but regardless of my lack of understanding (because I don't think anyone can truly understand unless they themselves have a mental illness) I would ALWAYS HAVE HER BACK......

Which brings me to the here and now.  I'm currently advocating for my sister.  I'm making calls, sending emails and sitting in meetings with her.  I'm speaking for her, when she can't speak for herself.  And I'm crying with her.  Crying for her.  Crying all the time.  If I had collected all the tears I have shed these past few years, I could break droughts.

What I want most right now is for others to see what I see.  To see the amazing person who has been flattened by her demons.  To see that although on the outside, she portrays to the world a wild, whacky and weird woman - on the inside, she is fragile, determined, a little bit broken and a little bit weird, but most of all she is WONDERFUL.  And to see that she needs help, support, love and understanding - not judgement.

What I want you to know is that people with mental illnesses have families, they have people who care for them, advocate for them and are frightened for them.

I'm struggling a bit to keep my head above water.  I have diagnosed myself with "sad-sack-itis" - something I find myself dealing with when I'm dealing with too much other "stuff".  So the Ms Midge sewing has taken a bit of a back seat these past few weeks, and will probably unfortunately remain there for a little bit longer.  I haven't forgotten about my lovely customers!  I HAVE ordered some beautiful Autumn/Winter fabrics with the hopes of making lots of yummy warm outfits for your littlies!  And I will be listing them for custom orders in small quantities.  There will be no mass production lines or mini collections like I used to churn out!  I'm hoping you will stick around and see what I can produce!

A special BIG thank you to those of you who have ordered this past month and have been very patient and understanding.  I really do appreciate it!

Soooooo..........onwards and upwards!  I'm hoping that by sharing this little piece of me, it will help lift a bit of the burden I'm carrying, and lift the old sad-sack-itis far far away!

xxx

Living with It.

Since Chloe started Kindergarten a few weeks ago, I have been blessed with a rather abundant amount of "me time".  Now I'm not telling you to make you jealous (although I would have been if I read that sentence a year ago!), nor any other reason.  I've embraced me time, and have avoided doing anything remotely close to housework as much as I can.  Except for laundry.  There's just no avoiding that.  Especially when there's six loads of it piled high in your living room......

I said to a friend last week "the silence is deafening".  Right now, all I can hear is the rumbling of our most attractive brown in-wall air conditioner.  That's it.  This morning, whilst wandering aimlessly around the grocery store, I started to think of all the things here at home that we are just "living with".  You know, things that you really should do something about, but you really just can't be arsed?  Yeh, them.  Here's just a few.....

Look familiar?  These are gorgeous ready made curtains from Spotlight.  But the stooooopid curtain rods have a join in them where you can extend them - and there lies the problem.  The curtain hooks get caught on the join, and they end up looking like this.  In three separate bedrooms......

When we were moving house, and renovating, we had many a discussion over where children would be sleeping and where I would be sewing.  I very gracefully begrudgingly gave up the 5th bedroom so the kids would all have their own rooms, which meant I have the shoebox (which is actually named storeroom on the plans).  I suggested at the time that I could use the upstairs living room, but Andrew said NO he would like my sewing room to be closed off when it needed to be.  Well........this is the entry to my sewing room.  It is one of the downstairs living rooms.  Fail.

When we built the new deck, we asked the builder for a quote on a gate so the dogs couldn't get up.  If my memory serves me correctly, his quote was over $1000.  For a gate.  So since June last year, we have tried a number of tactics to keep the dogs off.  This being the latest.  You may note the top left hand corner of the timber is broken?  Yeh - one of the dogs chews through it when there's a thunder storm.  Really need to get that gate built......really need not to be charged a fortune for it.

And the most hilarious thing we live with?  This.  The entire staircase was the colour of those stairs, and we decided we would paint them white and then carpet them.  Back in June, when the carpet was laid, the carpet layers made a mistake thinking we wanted it on the stairs, but after I explained that we needed to paint the staircase first, he told me he'd already put the spiky wooden strips down.  "Not a worry" I say.  "We'll paint it soon" I say.  June............March.  Eight months of avoiding spikes in your feet, warning small children, and hearing yelps from unwilling victims.

In our defence, we planned to get the painting done over the Christmas holidays.  But three people decided to get chicken pox, which meant my planned trip to the beach with them so Andrew could paint, got shelved.

Sooooooo, what are you living with that really does need to be done?

What Annoys Me

Each morning, I pour myself a bowl of cereal and come upstairs to check emails and the interwebs.  This morning, I read a blog post from Mia Freedman, over at MamaMia.  And I sat here nodding in agreement, and shaking my head at the poor journalistic efforts of some knob called Joe Aston??  To put it in a nutshell, Mia said "My kids can call me Mummy.  Anyone else who uses it is being a dick."  And further "Using the term "mummy" as a patronising prefix to describe the things women read, write or say is becoming increasingly common.  Mummy blogs, Mummy porn, Mummy wars......they're all condescending put-downs and it's time we killed them off."  Perfectly said Mia!

Do you want to know what gets ME annoyed?  I brought it up in a little handmade business group I'm involved with, when someone asked what bugs others in regards to Facebook pages.  

I really don't like the term "Mummy" or "Mumma" when it comes to describing an item for sale, or when referring to one's customers or followers on a Facebook page.  

There.  I've said it.  It has always made me cringe a little, which some people don't understand.  So this is why....

Although I make clothing for children, and now, quilts for children too, I have always been very careful not to label my customers.  As much as I know that the majority of said customers are women and a vast majority of them, Mothers - I also know that I have many customers who are Aunts, Uncles, Dads and Grandparents.  I would never want to A. possibly offend someone who either isn't or can't be a Mum and B. Narrow my market, ie. labelling an adult's garment as a "Mumma Skirt" could turn away possible customers, or referring to your customers in your posts as "Mummas" could potentially kill off sales to women OR men who like your handiwork but are put off because of such terminology.

My point is that regardless of whether you are a WAHM or not, you have a wide audience and possible customer base, including Men.  So by addressing your likers as "Mummas" and only Mummas, you are narrowing your reach.  Yes, I am a mother to four kids, but I am by no definition only a Mother.  I am a woman.  So in my very humble opinion, garments and goods made for women should be labelled as being made for women - not only Mummas.

The lovely ladies in the before mentioned group and I had a great discussion about why such a thing would shit me to tears.  And thankfully it was all taken exactly the way I had intended.  To make people think about the labels and terminology they are using when marketing themselves or their goods to others.

So - what's annoying you?

** Disclaimer - I am in no way, shape or form some kind of marketing genius.  I'm just a woman, who happens to be a mother, who happens to have a somewhat successful little handmade business.

Hard Questions and Even Harder Answers...

We all harbour questions that we would dearly like to ask someone, or many someone's, but never think we will be able to spill the words.  It's like you're too scared to ask because you don't really want to know the answer?  Or you know what the answer will be, and can't bare to think of what you will do with said answer?  Or is it just me?

I've just spent the weekend up in Queensland.  Had three days of pretending that I didn't have a care in the world - no kids to worry about, no work to get to and no alarms to set, because there was nowhere I had to be!  I stayed in an apartment with two lifelong friends, and we sat and chatted, ate cheese and drank wine.  Had a massage in our lounge room overlooking the surf.  Read a book.  READ A BOOK!!!!!  We also went out two nights in a row, and drank copius amounts of alcohol.  Something I really very rarely do!

I also saw my Dad.  I haven't seen him since he had his heart problems late last year, so it was lovely to see him in the flesh and note that he had put on some weight.  And for the first time in my 37 years, he did not smell of tobacco and nicotine.  A HUGE and noticeable change.  He picked me up from the airport on arrival and drove me up to my friend's parents house.  Back to the same neighbourhood we had lived for many years.  His memory is vague, and I had to remind him of where the house we used to live in was.  We sat and had lunch, and chatted about a range of topics and then said our goodbyes.  When my weekend was coming to an end, I called him again and arranged to meet up to spend the afternoon before I departed.  I was a little anxious and couldn't figure out why?  But only minutes after pulling in to the caravan park he calls home, I worked it out.  I hadn't been to my Dad's place of residence in almost 25 years!  14 of those I didn't even know where he resided, or whether he was in fact, even alive.....

He showed me around his humble little caravan, and pointed out that he'd had a massive clean up since kicking the cigarettes months ago.  It was freshly painted and he'd acquired a few pieces of newish furniture.  It was certainly very "homely".  But to be completely honest - I was sad.  I was sad that the man who had spent the first 12 years of my life being my Dad, providing for me and making a great life for his family, had ended up in a caravan park.  Don't get me wrong - I have nothing against people who live in caravan parks!  I spent a couple of years myself living in one, after my Dad had lost all that we owned through his gambling habit, and my Mum and Step Dad were left to pick up the pieces.  SO I know all about people who live in caravan parks.  BUT - this one little caravan and its contents were all that my Dad has to show for his almost 70 years of life.  And it saddens me.

Anyway, I soon got over that sadness and got a royal tour!  Met all the locals, including his friend "Dot" whom I spoke to on the phone during Dad's stint in hospital.  She was the one who explained that he was very sick and required triple bypass surgery, and all that goes along with what that meant.  Lovely lady, even more lovely that I know she's looking out for my Dad.

I took a Nana Nap on his couch until it was time to leave for the airport again.  We grabbed some dinner in the departure lounge and chatted some more.  I can't remember what we were talking about, but I finally got the courage up to ask one of a million questions I'd been wanting to ask over the years - "Do you ever look back?".........  He did not hesitate in his answering, and I felt a wave of relief wash over me, that I was finally going to be able to hear my Dad apologise for all that happened.  "Oh, of course I look back, I look back and think how bloody stupid I was."  O.M.G.  Perhaps I would finally be having a conversation about the huge white elephant that has been sitting in the room the past ten years??  And then he continued........  "That's why I've never been in another relationship".  My ears pricked,  I could feel a Hallelujah moment coming.  "Because I could never have someone telling me what I can and can't do again"................

Deflation.

I just nodded my head and carried on eating my greasy chicken and chips.  I couldn't make sense of what he said, and really didn't want to.  We bid farewell at the departure gate and I headed back to Melbourne....

So I get home and relay this entire conversation to my husband.  At 11.45pm at night.  And he makes sense of it for me.  My Dad still doesn't acknowledge that his gambling was what ruined our family.  What ruined his marriage.  And why I had nothing to do with him for such a long time.  He is still living in denial.

I say "my family is fucked".  Andrew says "Our family is great".

Perspective.

I find more out about this family of mine the older I am getting.  Sometimes it puts things in place, other times it just gets more muddled.

Do you have any hard questions you haven't been able to ask?

The Mum You Are

Source

This darling little gem popped up in my newsfeed this morning on Facebook.  My own Mum had shared it.  That was four hours ago, and I'm still thinking about it.

I second guess my mothering every. single. day.  Considering I am about to venture in to my 14th year of mothering, that makes for a lot of second guessing.  I can still remember bringing home my big boofa of a baby all those years ago, and having absolutely no idea what I was doing.  I was 23 years old.  A baby myself.  And this little human being needed me.  And I had no idea what I was doing.

Three more children later, and I still find myself - at times - floundering.  Beating myself up for not being the Mum I think I should be.  Like now.  What I should be doing is sitting on the floor playing some sort of game with my four year old.  I should be doing that every day yes?  But I'm not.  And I don't.  I'm not a game player.

I worry that my kids will only remember the Mum that was cranky.  The bad cop.  Will they remember the good stuff?  I know my kids love me.  The 14 year old told me (via FB when I asked him for some sort of "like, rate, honest" shit that the teenagers do!)..........

"like ur my mum and ur funny tbh ur a pretty kool mum"

So that has to count for something yes?

I'm good at preaching.  I'm a big believer in "each to their own" parenting.  Don't compare yourself, don't worry about what others are doing - when all along - I'm worrying about what I'm doing?  Will the self doubt, as a Mother, ever end?

So I ask you - do you enjoy being the Mum you are?

I Don't "Get" Smoking?

There.  I've said it.  I've said it before, to many people, but am just going to put it out there here - I just don't "get" the appeal of smoking.  I don't understand why people start.  I don't understand why they continue.  And I mostly don't understand why they don't give up when their health has been jeopardised.

The reason I am now making these statements on a public forum is because my dear old Dad is still sitting up in a hospital ward, waiting for approval to have a triple bypass.  He has been smoking for over 55 years.  He had a stroke about ten years ago, which obviously wasn't a big enough scare for him to quit - but this week's health problems have him throwing away his tobacco and plastering himself in nicotine patches.  But really, isn't it just too late now?

Not only is his heart in dire straights from all the smoking, his kidneys are up shit creek too - which he seems to think is against him being a good candidate for the surgery.  Now, obviously I am not in Queensland with him, so getting a clear picture of how things are going is not an easy task.  There's only so much the nursing staff can explain over the phone, but the general picture is that they have done all their assessments and sent them to the specialist hospital in the city to await their answer.  What happens if they say no?  

I was talking to my sister the other day, giving her the run down on where things were at with Dad's condition, when we nearly got in to another philosophical conversation.  Only nearly because I was at work, and really couldn't spare the three hours the conversation could have taken!  We do like a chat.  But basically, the crux of my argument always leads me back to:

Why would you willingly do something to your body that you know will more than likely kill you?

Why?  I need people to explain this to me.  Yes, I understand it's an addiction.  Yes, I understand that kicking a habit is hard work.  But why?  Why not kick it to the curb?

My sister has been living with half her lung capacity for years now.  And I have no doubt that the sorry state of those said lungs will be what takes her from this world.  And I don't get it.  I hate knowing that she, my brother and my Dad's health has been shot just because of a choice to take up something they KNEW was dangerous.  Well, Ok, I'll give my Dad a semi-leave pass because the 50's loved glamorising smoking!

It's not too late.  This is my mantra.  My Mum gave up smoking years ago and her health has been so much better.  My late Nanna gave up at age 80!!!!  NEVER. TOO. LATE.

Soooooo......wait a tick whilst I climb down off my soap box.......

Now feel free to bombard me.  Tell me WHY?  Why do you smoke?  Why don't you give up?  And if you have given up - what was the catalyst?  I really would like to understand!

**** Disclaimer - Ok, so I'm not perfect.  I have been known over the years to get wildly drunk and shove a cigarette in my mouth.  But I have certainly regretted it every.  single.  time.  Lucky I don't get wildly drunk any more!!