Friday, August 17, 2012

Whose Bright Idea??

Was it to get another farking cat???!!!!  And who was the farking idiot that agreed to it????  Urghhhhh.......

SOMEBODY began campaigning for a kitten back in April.  This somebody had been suckered in by his then soon to be nine year old daughter and her promises of caring and loving a kitten like no other human being in history had before her.  The same somebody then convinced me that it would be a great idea to get above mentioned daughter a kitten for her birthday.  A series of events occurred that ultimately ended in us getting a kitten for free, which we then surprised said daughter with as an early birthday present.....

I will admit that the cuteness of this little black puff-ball was so huge that it didn't take long for me to fall in love with her.  In fact, I wrote quite positively about our Ms Bella's arrival HERE.  Oh, how times change.....

 Fast forward to today, when I entered good old Pets Paradise for the umpteenth time since Bella's arrival, looking to spend yet another small fortune on crappola.  Today's purchase (thankfully at half price, not so thankfully because poor Pets Paradise is in receivership - whoops) was ANOTHER scratching post (because the same birthday girl decided it would be a good idea to sit on the first $50 scratching post, causing it to snap in half - sigh) in an attempt to divert Bella's attention from the gorgeous new lounges we bought only one month ago.

I also asked the question - "Do you have anything to spray on furniture or fittings to stop cats wrecking shit?"  The young girl said "no".   Oh.  Thanks.  For.  Nothing.  

But wait!  As I was about to walk off, she said they had something called "sticky paws".....ummmmm.  I followed her to the wall display where there was ONE packet of sticky paws left.  I was also followed by another woman who had overheard my request and was interested in finding a solution for her own damaged home.  What I discovered was that cats apparently do not like sticky surfaces!  So this solution is a trumped up version of double sided tape, which you can stick to any surface you do not wish your cat or kitten to demolish!  I snapped up the last packet (and did not look the other woman in the eyes for fear of being glared at) and went and paid for my bargain scratching post and sticky paws.  Sounds so wrong....

"Don't declaw....get sticky paws" - WTF??  Who declaws a cat?  

So this afternoon's quest was to cover my brand new, but already slightly tattered lounge in double sided tape.  During said quest I discovered that not only had the little shit of a cat (hear the love in my words?) attacked the corners of the lounge, she has given the whole side of it a good crack.  Little focker.....

I also sticky paw'd the side of the step that had been nibbled and clawed at.  I'm wondering if I could just cover the whole freaking house in double sided tape so the little turd can't wreck anything else??  Maybe the poor singular pot plant I own?  Yep, she's managed to almost kill that too!

Don't get me wrong.  I am not opposed to pets.  I  AM an animal lover.  But each and every time we get a new pet, I end up doing a lot of sighing, yelling, cursing and quite simply - regretting.

Our menagerie now consists of Bella - the now sticky paw'd kitten.  Ruby - the ten year old cat who it seems has decided will hiss at anything and anyone she pleases.  Tanza - the 11 year old corgi x bichon AND Hamish - the teeny tiny three year old toy poodle, who refused to toilet train and to this day will still cock his leg on anything he can possibly reach if let inside.  So he is now an outdoor dog and what you would call a Rasta Poodle.....just needs some reggae and a joint....

I digress.....  Tonight as I was picking up the cat food that Bella had so delightfully dragged on to the carpet to eat, I yelled out "I hate this fucking cat".......to which Andrew retorted "You hate all cats"....  Ummmm....... Look, I'm trying ok.

How on earth do people have patience to get past the kitten trials and tribulations?  Are all kittens bat-shit crazy, or just Bella?

3 comments:

  1. Midge, I am having trouble typing because I am laughing so hard! Can't decide what appeals to me the most: your ability to incorporate the word fuck in so many different forms without once being offensive OR the image of your toy poodle (with a fantastically Gaelic name) stoned off his chops, wearing one of those rasta-dude hats with the fake dreads, groovin' to the reggae and then take a whizz on the carpet...the lounge...the nearest human... You crack me up woman...and have just reinforced our decision to remain pet free (until someone caves to the repeated requests for a pet...it won't be me, I can assure you!)

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  2. Our new puppy has torn our sheer curtains so instead of being floor length they are a weird cafe curtain length. He's also continued to tear the carpet where the previous (and now deceased) dog had started. You are not alone.

    As for a spray to discourage the cat - I've heard that vinegar and water in a sprayer work really well but you don't spray it on the furniture, you spray directly on the offending cat in the middle of the offence.

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