Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Light Bulb Moment

So I've been rattling on about how busy life has been and how stressed I have been, but have not gone in to more detail because I just couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't know how to express how I was feeling in a way that didn't ramble on and on endlessly and wouldn't make me cry! But yesterday, whilst enjoying a very rare and relaxing day at home, I had a light bulb moment. You know those moments Oprah talks about relentlessly? Well, Hallelujah! The light bulb finally lit up for me!

I worked out the reason why I had been so sad the last couple of months - the loss of a best friend is the equivalent to the break up of a marriage. Now that may seem quite full on and over the top for some of you reading this, but to me - it hit the proverbial nail on the head. I have been, and still am, in mourning over a friendship I thought would be life long. Someone who had become, in my eyes, an integral part of our family and a huge part of my children's lives.

It has been especially hard to fathom because I can honestly say that in my 35 years in this world, I have never, ever had a "falling out" with a friend. I was one of the lucky girls who didn't have to put up with other girls crap. Have never been the target of a group of girls who decide I am not cool enough, or good enough to be part of their enclave. So I guess it is no wonder that I am struggling with this, and really just do not know how to deal with it? On the other hand, it has also made me reflect on my earlier years and wonder whether I ever made anyone else feel the way I am currently feeling? I certainly hope not.

I have said in earlier posts how lucky and blessed I feel for having such a wonderful array of friends and not just passing friendships, but many of them have been formed over decades. So I am now coming to the conclusion that although I may have "lost" a friend, I have so many other amazing people in my life, that it is now time to just move on and let bygones be bygones.

So I am sharing this with you because from today onwards, I am going to make a concerted effort to "get over it". To stop worrying about what I may have done, or what they did or didn't do. I have decided I have wasted so much energy worrying about what other people think of me (which is exactly what I did when I actually did get divorced) and need to direct that energy towards my family and the friends who really value me for the person I am.

So, in my husband's words, here is today's quote for the day - "It's their loss". Haven't we all told someone that at some stage? Well, I am now going to listen to those words and try to remember it when I have my sad days. Onwards and upwards!

Have a fantastic day!

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