Saturday, August 13, 2011

Is it OK not to "like" your kids sometimes?

Ahemmmm.......just clearing my throat before I begin. The title of this entry makes me a little uncomfortable, shifting in my seat as I type. And I'm pretty sure that it will make a few others uncomfortable to read also. But it was prompted by a conversation I had with another Mummy yesterday, and a subject that I think a lot of parents have secretly wondered, but were too scared to talk about?

This topic came up as a good friend and I were catching up on how our kids were going, and the crazy weeks we are having at present. Mine have been crazy due to the added extra child from Japan, Hers due to house renovations and taking up residence at her In-law's house with husband and three children. I think I would rather have a gaggle of Japanese kids staying with us opposed to moving in to the In-law's! Disclaimer: I LOVE my in-law's, just don't think I'd last long living with them and our four kids!

Before-mentioned friend - I shall call her Sally - and I have both been through a difficult time with one of our kids, and she brought up the fact that at times, she really found it hard to get along with her daughter (who is nine) and found they clashed all the time. "Is it OK that I just don't like her sometimes?" LIGHTBULB MOMENT! Of course it's ok I said!!! I have been through those feelings on quite a few occasions over the almost 13 years I have been parenting, and not always with the same child. I was quite happy to make her feel better by concurring that many years ago, I found it hard to get along with my eldest son, because he is SO much like his Father - the man that I divorced because, basically, I didn't like him. And at times, when I used to look at my son, all I could see was his Dad, and it frustrated me! It took me a little while, but I did get over that - and I adore my son for all that he is, including the traits that remind me of his Dad.

I also eased her mind by letting her know that I am currently finding it very hard, not too often thank god, to like my youngest son. I have posted before about how we have been seeking help with him this year, and although it is proving to be helpful, it has seen his "behaviours" escalate at times - almost like he has been given permission to act like a complete twit!

This does not in ANY WAY take away from the complete and utter love I feel for my kids. Or the love she has for her children. But it is just a natural reaction, as a human being, to dislike people at times - be it for their behaviour, attitude or the way they make you feel. Our children are no different. They push buttons, test limits and ultimately make you feel like a terrible person sometimes, when you are having to pull out the "bad cop" persona!

So, Yes, I think it's perfectly OK not to like your kids sometimes. Do you?

On a completely different note, I want to share something with you. I was catching up on Mrs Woog's blog this morning, and this is her latest post: I love Lily Allen and her oh-so-subtle way of getting her point of view across :)

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